Everytime I Laugh Out Loud I Am Screaming In My Mind

I hang out with them in college. I share rooms with them. We are one group living in one hostel.
But there is never a 'group'. There are MANY political groups.
The girls don't respect me.
All my life I've been taken for granted. All my life I have never spoken up for myself because i was afraid of my peers. I was afraid that they would do something worse to me. So all my school years I kept being bullied. Nonstop, everyday. i don't remember one single day when I was happy. NOT ONE SINGLE DAY.
So now in hostel everybody I met started to take me for granted as well. That they could step on me and move on and I would....not do anything.
I don't know why that everyone who meets me treats me the same way, even if it's just a shopkeeper.
Anyway, this time I decided that I'll show em who I really am. I got angry, I was blunt, I told them straight away everytime they'd try to step on me that they should change their way.
This was against their ego, and they all went against me. Everybody. They gossiped behind my back, and had problem with me exchanging numbers with guys. They themselves did the same stuff, but they couldn't bear me doing that. They even hid my cell phone. I mean, who gave them permission to hide my cell phone? And no-one stood up for me. They all hated me because I was defensive, because I made them feel like **** when they tried to make me feel the same way.
So much so that the only girl who made me feel a little better was made to hate me as well. She was like me too, easily crushed, easily controlled. They took advantage of that. And now she's confused. She told me they don't like her hanging out with me. She is just in permanent paranoia...scared of them. She has to hide from them if she has to be with me...so today smth happened, and it has made me realize that I shouldn't be with her because it's hurting us both and everyone else and it's just like adding fuel to the fire.
stabbedtoceasersalad stabbedtoceasersalad
18-21, F
Jan 11, 2013