I Am Dying Of Loneliness

I'm 36 and I have five kids. I have been married since 17. My husband hated every single friend I ever had and he'd keep putting them down until I stopped hanging out with them or they stopped coming around or I just stopped trusting them and we drifted apart.  He treated me like garbage so whenever anyone did come around us they would make me feel so bad by pointing out things they saw that time after time, I got rid of them so I could not have to face my reality. I am now divorcing from him and I don't have any real friends.

I have three good friends but none of them live close to me and they have their own lives and problems where I can't lean on them.

I feel like I repulse people. Noone calls me and if I call someone they don't call me back. Even my own sister that I found after 20 years just doesn't answer my emails or phone calls. I don't know why people don't  like me or how I can change. 

Nas17 Nas17
31-35, F
6 Responses Apr 20, 2010

U can be lonely with kids. I would seek out a women's center. U need love and power to grow. I pray u find it.

You're not lonely. Anybody whose married with children cant really be lonely. You want lonely? I've never had a single friend, and I haven't had ANY human contact in almost two years. My parents deliver my goods, and off they go. This isn't a choice, either. It's due to social trauma. You, woman, are far from lonely. You've got FIVE KIDS for crying out loud! A single child is worth more than a thousand close friends! You're CONNECTED to those kids BIOLOGICALLY **AND** they cant leave you whenever you don't get along! <br />
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And unlike you I'm actually literally dying from my loneliness. The stress is epic, truly epic, not a trendy use of that word. The anxiety and panic attacks that come from it leave me in constant pain, my chest is always sore when it's not smarting. My bodies tense, my gut is twisted, I hardly sleep, and the only reason I don't kill myself is because I'm too afraid to. <br />
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You, woman, do not even know what loneliness is.

How are you dude. I just logged in because your post got my attention. Are you ok? Is everything alright?

It does not sound like he is abusive to the kids. In fact, it may help him understand the important row the mother has, when she step away for a while.

She's not gonna leave her kids. I don't think that is an option for her....I hope not. If he is physically abusive then they will understand, but if not, then they might harbor ill on their mom

Get rid of the husband, and keep the kids. Or, get rid of the husband and the kids and keep your sanity, what ever works for you. The kids will miss you and when they grow up, you get them back, I guarrantee that.

Maybe because you allow your husband to isolate you and people would rather not deal with your baggage that is your husband. This way, he has you under his thumb and if anything goes wrong in the relationship, you don't have anywhere to turn so he has all the control. Plus you have 5 kids. If that's not concrete holding securing your ankles, I don't know what is. Until you decide that you want your own life with your own friends aside from your immediate family and actually do something about it, you will go through your whole life lonesome and alone aside from your hubby and kids, always stuck in your own head. Hope you can make some progress soon.