How Can I Go From Having "friends" And Being Alone To Having A Real Group Of Friends?

I'm a sweet, kind, smart, educated cute girl. I'm not a bad person and I'm not mean. So why is it that everyone around me has made groups of friends and make plans together and I haven't? Why is my self esteem so utterly crushed right now?

Throughout my life I had to make friends on a regular basis. As a kid because I changed schools a lot and then later when I have moved a lot. So every few years I've been used to having to meet new people, and I'm good at it. I'm not afraid of talking to people I don't know and striking up conversations. I get to know people and join activities and get involved. But it never gets to be more than that... and I don't know why. People seem to get closer to each other, create groups of friends that they know they will be hanging out with on the weekends, people they can count on to be around when they want to hang out or when they need someone to talk to.

It seems to be the same wherever I go. The last placed where I lived a met a ton of people. I joined sports activities with them and made "friends" with them, but yet I would still feel left out. Groups would form that I wouldn't be a part of. So they would hang out with me during whatever activity, but then the dinner plans for later wouldn't include me. Because of this, whenever I start going out with a guy I tend to spend too much time with him and start hanging out with his friends. This makes things better, but it's just temporary, since when we break up I'm left with nothing, since all the people I've been hanging out with are his group of friends, not mine.

What's happening now is just a repeat. I live in a new place and only know a limited amount of people and everyone around me all get along together better than I do. Because I meet people easily I know a ton of people, but it's the same thing. After the planned group activities are over, I'm not included in the plans and there's no one here I'm close to. The few people I am close to live anywhere from a 3 hour plane trip to a 30 hour plane trip, so far away. It doesn't help that I just had a bad experience with a guy, who seemed really sweet and attentive with me, made plans to spend time with me, and included me in activities with him and his friends who then turned out to have a serious long distance girl friend that he kept hidden from me. So now not only do I feel sad because of what happened with him but I don't have any friends here to talk to and to make me feel better. Friends I can hang out with to not think about him. 

So I'm already sad as it is and now I'm wondering why I don't have any friends around when others do. Am I not interesting enough? Am I not fun enough? Why does it seem like people like me and then don't want to hang out with me after they know me? Why do people not want to hang out with me? What's wrong with me? But what I really want to know is what I can do about it!!!!! What do I do to fix this? What can I do to never feel so alone again? How can I make better friends? Is there something I can do? Something I should change? I want to be able to do something to help myself, but I don't know how...  

sun22 sun22
26-30, F
4 Responses Feb 14, 2010

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I would love to have some close friends as well. I don't really have any friends. I have a boyfriend, and I've never been so close to anyone in my life. Not even my sisters. I let him read my diary, I have read his, we know everything about each other. But sometimes when I'm out with him, I will look at groups of girls talking and laughing, being friends, and I will really long for it. I had a girlfriend in school, she was my best friend, but then she left school and we drifted apart. Now she has other girl friends and we don't chat anymore. She is a different person now anyway. The reason I don't have many girlfriends is because I am not like other girls. I don't get along with them very easily. They seem to want to talk about themselves all the time, or their hair, makeup, clothing, and although I am interested in those things (I'm not a total tomboy) I find them very boring to talk about and would much rather sit and converse with one of my guy friends, whose conversations usually revolve around something they read on the news, or a funny thing they saw on tv. At least it is mildly entertaining. Girls just don't interest me, but it is a shame because sometimes I really feel like having a girlfriend to talk about things with. Maybe I will find a girl out there who is similar to me, and we can really get along.

I'm just like you. <br />
But part of it I blame myself also. After analyzing my situation, I realized that I'm a pretty jealous person. I have tried to change but it is difficult. It's really hard for me to have a close female friend. <br />
Also, I don't think most females are like me. Or I just have never met one. I don't click with any girl I have met and it sucks. All the girls are just pretentiously nice and either really nerdy, boring and too innocent or really bitchy, *****, slutty type.<br />
I tend to click with guys tho. I get along so well with them, but guys always want to be more than just friends when I get too close to them. It's horrible!<br />
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I wish I could find a nice, fun, and smart girl. that's my dream best friend right there. Someone who works hard and plays hard, curious, just a reflection of myself. :P<br />
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Anyway, you're not alone, sun22

Hello! I had this experience, and guess what it was, in both cases? Drug use. And I don't mean mild ones. Also, it turned out that a lot of the people I hung out with were up to other things they knew I would not like or fit in with.<br />
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Friendly, honest, well-balanced people are not easy to find, so your peers are few, my dear. That's a good thing, though. The ones you find will be worth it, if you can gain some real intimacy in the meantime. If you don't fit in with the "afterparty," then you probably have more in common with the ones who like the light of good, wholesome activities. Again, they are harder to find, but worth it.<br />
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I encourage you to pursue true intimacy with the One who matters most. He doesn't want to give you others to love if you haven't remembered to love Him. But He loves to bless those that love Him, and it's good practice for relationships with people, too! Remembering the good things He's done for you, paying attention to Him often, those are the very building blocks of every rewarding human relationship, too.<br />
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Ask Him to send you fellowship. That means friends who like what you like. Also, engage in your own interests. People you meet in those times will automatically have something in common with you. Just use discernment, again, available from God through the Holy Spirit. He will help you in every circumstance. Prayer is the real mountain-mover. *hugs*