Where Are You Suppose To Start?

Life seems so cruel sometimes. When your alone and have no one to talk to and ask advice, who are you suppose to talk to? No one ever wants to hear what's wrong with you. People don't want to associate with someone who has problems. Yet when your alone and don't know what to do and have no friends they tell you to go out and make some. I've lived my whole life alone I've never had a true friend in my life. I've had many acquaintances, but no one who had my back, that wants to hang out with me, that was adventurous to try new things with me. These days I'm starting to feel the only way to have an adventure is by myself and that is what I've done. There is so many places I want to see and things I want to do and no one else ever wants to, so I journey on my own. It's great to see these places, but you feel alone and empty that you have no one to share it with. What's worse is that I don't usually make friends at any of these places, because I can't make friends. I've tried my whole life and I have still not made any. I have always been a person who is always there for anyone. I help people with their problems, and I'm always offering to help. Ghandi once said "be the change you want to see in life". This a quote I have lived by my whole life and all I see is people taking advantage of me. I have no trust in the world anymore. People don't care about people who treat them good. They feel like they have to repay you for what you've done and that is work for them, so they phase you out. I have always been a phase out. People only want to talk to me when they need help with something. That is the only time they are your friend. How are you suppose to keep going when life seems to be a never ending cycle of disappointment. I understand life is not always the way you want it to be and disappointment is part of life, but it's hard to keep going when positivity is something rare in your life. I love life. I love watching nature and how funny people can be. I love love. I just feel as though sometimes I was a mistake, a waist of time to be put on this earth. My whole life I've spent trying to make friends and meet someone to fall in love with, but it has not happened. I am viewed as this giant wierd bug or something. By the day i am losing more and more my social skills and the faith to be someone happy who has a few good friends and someone to love. I just want to be a part of life and not someone who observes it. So where do you start? What are you suppose to do? I haven't given up on life yet. But I feel as though life is going to pass me by and leave me behind.
Naculie Naculie
May 10, 2012