So Afraid All the Time..

I agree it's so hard.. But if we change who we are for other people then where do those Real parts of ourselves go? And if our behavior depends on other people, then so does our self-perception. The false-self is either validated only by other people, or we feel like crap when people don't accept the Selves we created for them! I read this from Alice Miller, but she articulated it better.. It makes sense, I just hope we can all recover the parts of ourselves we hid before they're lost even to us. Seems like a lifelong battle though-- good luck!

Anyone who has experienced youth has gone through a version of this. Excessive fear, however, should be examined by a trained medical professional. See a physician and discuss these issues. Sometimes a psychiatrist or therapist will be recommended. These individuals have seen your issues before (plus thousands of others) and are capable of providing helpful therapy.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I'll say this:
You are the only person you will have to live with for the rest of your life. No matter who comes into our lives, no matter what circumstances each day results in, the only thing that will remain absolute is the fact that you will be with yourself for a long time. Think of how lucky we are to experience good emotions like love and joy. We're even lucky to feel the bad ones sometimes too. Without both--without emotion, we would be like the animals...lumbering about, searching only for the basics of survival. No laughter! :)

Sometimes we make mistakes...and sometimes people are around to laugh at those mistakes. But those people laugh because they've been laughed at as well. It's like they feel they deserve compensation for the world being unfair to them, so they take it out on someone else, without realizing the person they're laughing at is feeling the exact same painful emotions they did. The trick is not allowing anyone to break your stride. Don't TRY to be anything! Just be. And leave the haters to wallow in their hate. The easiest way to do that is to find friends that accept you. There are hundreds of thousands of chances for everyone to make friends and the good ones won't try to break you down. These people accept you for you--every nuance, every good point and bad point. They support you and through that acceptance, you become a better, more accepting individual yourself.

Remember, being self-conscious is helpful to a degree, but there is no formula or template to life. You received a ticket to be human without choice, and you deserve to be here just as much as the leader of your country. Don't waste a single second of your existence worrying what other people think about you or your behaviors. As long as you're not hurting anyone in any way, who cares? It's like a chatty person in a movie theater. Are you going to let them ruin your experience, or are you going to ask them to be quiet. Try telling the insecure voice on your shoulder to be quiet. Every single time it starts to blab (making you feel nervous, doubtful, self-conscious), just wipe your shoulder and tell it never to mess with your stride again. The more you do that, the less that voice will speak, until eventually, it only pipes up when it's supposed to (like when you're trying to decide whether or not to eat a raw habanero pepper--then a little healthy bit of doubt is a good thing).

You fear what your mother might say if you intimate to her that you would like a piercing. Unlike the habanero pepper, this fear is "unknown". You think you know how she will react and you're afraid of the reaction itself. That's understandable. If you and your mum love each other and trust each other, then just bring up the subject. Your mother might have reservations about her child getting a piercing because piercing parlors don't have the best reputation, no matter how clean some of them may be. Plus, think about it from her perspective--she's thinking about her own child having a piece of steel jabbed into them. She, like all mothers, never wants to see their baby hurt. But if you can get her to talk openly about piercings, try asking her to visit a parlor with you (obviously a reputable one that you pre-select). Expose her to the culture and let it sink in. She might be a little more open if she sees normal people getting these things done.

But why get a piercing anyway? Do you think it will make you feel more...like YOU? A piercing is part of the external world--an accessory. Being yourself is strictly internal. If your mum still doesn't accept it, then wait until you are legally allowed to get one yourself. If, at that time, you still feel the need to be pierced, then do it! It's your life--no one else's.

Be safe, be happy and most of all, truly love yourself. Respect every part of yourself and count your lucky stars that you got to be part of the most amazing species on the planet. Make the most of your life and once again, don't let ANYONE break your stride!

-a gay guy