My Personal Life Revealed!

I'm the same person that wrote about how when I was a Freshman I did whip its and I still feel bad about it. I have gotten over that but now I have a bigger problem that kills me. I don't want to say "Please Enjoy my story" because I don't enjoy it. Its wrong what happened...so please just read and understand.

My Junior year was coming to an end with only two or so weeks left of school.  I had been sneaking out of my house more and messing  around with people. I just was waiting for summer to come around the corner.  One night I ended up going to a friends house of all guys.  There were 4-5 guys there.  I got there and knew right away this place was a drunk house. The guy who's parents owned the house was away for the weekend and they decided to throw a party and thought people wouldn't find out about it, but they invited me.
I ended up right away on a couch with one guy who was a good friend to me and we was touching me all over while I was trying to talk to another one of my friends.  He continued and I didn't mind. I was use to it and I have messed around with this guy before.  I ended up somehow in a room with him "having fun".  Before I knew it, I was having sex with him.  He was protected and stuff...soo I wasn't worried. The only thing that did was that one of my friends was on the other bed laying there. I thought he was sleeping, plus all the other guys there knew about it.
We finished and he passed out on the couch 15 minutes later.  I stayed up talking and watching TV with one of the "not so drunk" friend of mine because everybody else was passed out. 
The next week during school was torture. A person who had their locker next to me was a guy there who was passed out before I even got to the party, he would just look at me and laugh for no reason and I didn't know why. I started to find out people weren't talking to me or just avoiding me. My best friend said that she she heard what happened. I realized if she found out...then the whole school found out.  Our school is that small that within one hour everybody can find out.
I was crushed and felt horrible because one girl who is a freshman and who was friends with the guy who's parents owned the house, she told his parents what she had heard.  When that happend, my brother heard the rumors an told my parents. It was horrible. My family couldn't take it. I can't even talk to the guys at the party. Two of them have just started talking to me. The others have just....I don't even know how to say it. Its like I'm not even in the world anymore.  My friends are the same around me. I don't know how to take it.

This has happend over a month ago and I feel better ever so often because I have said, "I'm not mad. I'm just frustrated with the person who had the BIG MOUTH and tell the entire school. AKA the person who had lockers next to me"
I doesn't bother me because I was having sex before that with some other guy at the party, but our personal like wasn't being exploited. ONLY this one experience was.  I wish I could make everything better, but I know I can't turn back time. 
I have gone on Mission Trips and with some of the sermons, it really hits me sometimes.  One of the sermons and songs did and I had to run out of the place.  My youth leader found me and I was couldn't stop crying. I couldn't tell her why I was crying, except for a different family situation that I was dealing with. 
I want help and feel like talking to people, but when I talk to people it all seems the same....: "Yeah sure. Oh wow. Okay. Well everything will turn around." I don't want the Bull ****, because it's not helping me! I want actually answers! NOT something that will comfort for 2 minutes then I'm ****** again.  If someone reads this long story and wants to saying anything back to me...PLEASE DO! I need some answers.
peacelove4ever peacelove4ever
18-21, F
1 Response Jul 15, 2010

For now you just have to keep to yourself , if your friends are true friends they will let it go. It will take time for your family to get over it !