Seperation

I can't deal with me and my husband splitting up, I just can't. I know these things take time but I honestly feel that I'll never get over this, I'll never be strong again or stop loving him, and yet I hate him for making me feel this way - even though it was me that ended it! It's just all so messed up and now he's playing with my emotions and I'm allowing it. He's been round a few times for sex, which  I didn't mind so much because at least we weren't getting it else where, but one day he's telling me he loves me and the next he refuses point blank to talk to me - WTF is up with that?! Then of course I lose it and start acting the ***** to hurt him because he's hurt me *sigh* No wonder our marriage didn't work we're like two children playing games being nasty and spiteful to one another. I never thought it would hurt this much. Although if I'm honest I think a lot of it is fear of the future and not the loss of him. I have no where to move to and stuff and I think if I did have somewhere to go then I would feel more secure and content.