My fiance is currently in Germany after a 15 month deployment.  Everything was fine when he arrived in Germany. He called.  About 4 days later, He stopped writing or calling and then all the sudden tells me he's not ready to get married and this wont work... I was devastated.  I had no Idea why this was happening.  About 3 days later he said, he didnt mean that and just needs space. He cant process all of the things going on in his head. He's been drinking which isnt like him.  He wont talk to anyone. He's supposed to be coming home on R&R in August and now I dont know... I dont want to push things but Im not sure how to handle this

spcmatheneysgirl spcmatheneysgirl
3 Responses Jul 9, 2008

my husband just got home from Iraq two months ago. He has PTSD and yes it is hard not knowing what to do. He gets angry and defensive on the drop of a dime and I walk on egg shells around him not wanting to set him off. Now he is being told he has to go back and I worry what it will do to him.....<br />
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If you ever wanna chat, send me a message. It is hard not knowing what to do. You wanna help, but he wont let you in.

Hey spcmatheneysgirl,<br />
I am 17 years old and WOW! that really scares me i have a fiance leaving for Iraq in a month or so and i am really scard that this is going to happen to us. Do you have any tips or advice or anything for me to get through with him leaving? And i just found out yesterday and yesterday was my birthday :( <br />
I really hope things get better for you!<br />
By the way my names Sarah

I am a veteran myself, dealing with combat stress. What's particularly tragic about this story is that it's so darned common. I'd like to offer something deeply insightful here; however, barring any details, I cannot. I will say that I've had my own share of marital strife, and one thing I've noticed about it is that it was not all necessarily CAUSED by the combat stress, but it certainly aggravated my anxiety. My feelings of disconnection and often rage often surfaced in the most mundane circumstances. I could feel alienated by the slightest of remarks. That's not exactly a useful piece of advice, but it might give you the sense that it's not all your fault. Good luck.