Afraid to Love.

Everytime I get a crush or start having the slightest feelings for an individual, I always stop it from developing further. It's as if I won't allow myself to have feelings and possibly end up loving said individual. Now, I am a hopeless romantic, and I love love, how silly that sounds, and I really, almost desperately, want to find a 'mate', one to love and have them love me back and all that happily-ever-after crap, so it isn't like I'm afraid of commitment or anything. Whether it is trust issues-of myself or another person-, or fear of rejection, or whatever, I don't know what to do, and it is killing me.

oLIVEgREENcRAYON oLIVEgREENcRAYON
13-15
1 Response Mar 17, 2009

I love powerfully and passioantely, but I struggle to let myself be loved. I have thought an awful lot about it, and I believe this derives from my family of origin. I grew up with an emotionally needy mother and an alcoholic stepfather. They needed me to take care of them. I have tended to pick people for relationships who needed me, but who, it always turned out, did not have the ability to love me the way I wanted. Now, I have a guy in my life who loves me and who has declared his love for me. I love him too, but I struggle with great discomfort at letting myself be loved. A close friend says I need patience. I am practicing that to the best of my ability. I feel that this relationship is the culmination of my whole life and that if I can hang in there, I can overcome a major barrier. I am open to any feedback.