The Only Thing I Ask

The idea that nature wants my personal happiness to depend on someone I have no control on whatsoever annoys the hell out of me. Come on, it is completely against survival instinct. From the very first moment we come on earth we get diligently trained to avoid anything that can hurt us in some way. Relationships exist for this precise reason, but what about love? How can Love ask a human being to open up to statistically probable pain with no consideration for the more natural instinct for running away from it?

And this is why I don't know how to love. This is why I see what I'm supposed to do, I know that stupid social protocol of talking-flirting-getting closer etc., I even know that I'm not that bad after all (physically, personally) but I still make sure my door is shut enough to never be at total risk, while I try to forget that I may be ignoring one of my deepest needs. But is the principle itself of love I struggle to accept: it's unfair, incoherent and unpredictable.

I know that these kind of thoughts are seen as the desperate try to rationalize a childish fear. We live in a world that blames self-control and that wants everyone to "let go", "go with the flow" (while the power elit├ęs suck our money away thanks to a much more utilitaristic and convenient philosophy).

The only thing I ask is to take a final decision: staying alone for the rest of my days or learning how to trust. That's it. No idea what to base this decision upon, though.
Diomea Diomea
18-21, F
2 Responses Jan 6, 2013

Actually, human survival instincts are centered around social behavior. Thats why Losing someone feels like a gut punch and 30 bad days.

Great thoughts. I have the same problem.