No Love (not A Lil' Wayne Song)

I'm only 15 so I know I have time to fix whatever's wrong, but I don't seem to care about people. I feel, in a since, detached from the rest of the world like I'm watching it through glass or something. I'm attracted to girls so I know I'm not gay but I never seem to be able to be more than friends with any girl. As for normal friends I see I have good friends but only because I notice the way they stick up for me occasionally and I do the same for them, honestly I couldn't tell you why I do, but I don't fell anything. I have to think about if they are actually a friend at all. When I was younger I had this innate feeling if someone was a friend, how good of friend and even what mood they were in. Now I have to actively think about what they are doing to recognize if they are my friend. I'm not sure if this Is important to the subject but I was very sick for about two and a half years during early middle school 6-7-8 grades. I was constantly in pain and really couldn't think about anything but anger at the world and such. Am I now depressed or is this a normal teen thing? I just go through the motions while my friends seem to be experiencing a life that I don't remember ever having. Someone please help I feel lost and I don't know we're to start. No body knows how I feels and I want to keep it that way if at all possible.

Thank you
An Ep User An EP User
2 Responses Jan 10, 2013

I broke up with my girlfriend last night because I found her cheating on me. This incident failed to spark any sort of emotional response. That realization forced me to look back and analyze whether or not I actually loved her. I have lived the past few years in a similar way, as if behind glass. I'm afraid that I can't feel emotion. Being in a relationship with her had its share of problems, nearly all stemming from my lack of emotional attachment and commitment to her. She claims that she realized she loved and needed me more because of her cheating, and I believe her, but I didn't want to have to continue acting out the part of a loving boyfriend. I don't know if you have had a girlfriend or have run into the same issue with a lack of passion, but you're not alone in that. I have no idea how to spark the flame or romance, so to speak, because this issue has caused me to break up with both of my former girlfriends. Maybe I just haven't found what I'm looking for, whatever that means. Maybe there's someone who is so awesome that I'm overcome with emotion and the glass wall shatters or something. I don;t know what to expect. I'll just keep my eyes open I guess.
Addressing friendship: I know my friends are my friends by the fact that we share advice with each other. I don't have many, only maybe 3 or 4 close friends, the rest are people I'm friendly with. In many cases, I have made friends into close friends or true friends by seeking and giving advice on any number of topics, relationships, ******* friends, family issues. When you share issues with meaning like that with another person, it brings you together. If you haven't done much of that with your friends, try it because true friends are those you can depend on for help and advice. I hope this helps!

I'm not sure why you're feeling like this, or how normal it is. But maybe you can find a passion in life, like music or doing arts. Anything that allows for self-expression. It could help getting your mind off all your confusion like who's your friend and whatnot. In the process of doing something you like, you may find yourself getting closer to answers you probably never knew you were even looking for, and sometimes self discovery happens like this.