It's True

Call it sad or not or whatever but I was not raised in a household where compliments were consistent or prominent and most the time they were non existent. Not much interaction in my family to be honest talking about your feelings was prohibited. End of story. Compliments were known as a sign of weakness in my family. That's because we're all so ****** up that we just bottle **** down till we get depressed and violent. But anyway...I don't recall being complimented on anything, I was congratulated yes but not complimented. A lot of my family is either very conceited or very shy and quiet about accomplishments. "Love", love wasn't the most common feeling where I was raised, not to say I didn't feel loved. It just wasn't expressed much. And love (or a feeling of like) and compliments go hand in hand most the time. Therefore I was not experienced in compliments ergo I'm not accustomed to them so whenever I am complimented it catches me off guard. (Still to this day) Whenever I am complimented however I do compliment the person back because it's just common courtesy, is it not? Other than that I actually don't thank them. Not because I'm not thankful, don't think that, it's just that well....feeling was not a common thing in my family either...I was raised in such a way that I feel thanking someone is a sign of weakness and it all boils down to vulnerability, I hate feeling vulnerable because I feel it gives people leeway to hurt or insult me. I'm majorly ****** up OK? I'm sorry. I also think showing gratitude makes me appear asinine which also leaves me vulnerable. But of course it comes off like I'm snarky or arrogant because I don't acknowledge the compliment but I assure you I immensely appreciate it, I've just got some issues. An online compliment is easier because I can simply ignore it and use the excuse that I didn't see it but in reality? When some one compliments me in real life? It is one of the times I feel the absolute most awkward. So I either attempt to cover it up with humor or a take a shot (insult) myself to compensate for my lack of knowing how to respond or reply back.....
deleted deleted
26-30
Nov 21, 2012