I Keep Fighting But I Think They Are Winning.

I try to fight my physical demons. I have been losing weight, but I keep backtracking....sabotaging myself. 


I try to fight my mental demons...challenge my mind, broaden my circle of friends, keep teaching my son to appreciate the power of the mind, even though physically he is beautiful and will probably want to get by on looks. 


I try to fight my emotional demons...they are the ones most likely to defeat me.  I miss my mom, I miss my dad, I miss my love.  I keep reaching for my bottle like a child reaches for their milk bottle.  I put it down; I know it's not the answer, but it is still so hard.  I keep thinking of _____, there with her, knowing I am languishing here without him. 


I don't feel stronger. At all.  I feel ready to stop this battle.  

patchworkofmistakes patchworkofmistakes
26-30, F
7 Responses Feb 18, 2010

Find Jesus he tells us all the best way to live. He forgives all debts and sins and sets us free. Demons are nothing to him.

I know the demons of which you speak, some of them anyway. I recognize them. They are not as bad or nasty as they appear, because they guard the empty place you do not want to go to. They make you feel as though you are doing battle. <br />
I thought I wanted my demons to go away. The more I concentrated on them going away, bigger they got, the louder they talked. They bullied me night and day.<br />
I found out in therapy that I had no demons. It was me all along trying to yell at myself. I was trying to keep my self from healing. I wanted the pain, to feel alive. I wanted to have an excuse for feeling the misery that comes with grieving a dead relationship.<br />
Be it divorce, break-up, quitting smoking, quitting bad eatting habits -- it ends a relationship.<br />
What can you do?<br />
You can affirm the good in yourself. Make it your priority to surround yourself with your angels - the good in and about you. You can tell yourself you are strong, and able, gentle, kind, resepectful, deserving of respect and kindness. You can give yourself the image that you have an angel of kindness sitting on either side of you and that the though of them allows the thoughts of your demons to walk by you, because they have no way to enter. It is not a battle.<br />
A battle is done with clenched fists, clenched teeth, your soul is clenched, nothing can get in or out.<br />
Open your self up and let your goodness flow out. Goodness is endless in its stream, you cannot run out of it so let it flow, let it wash away the bad feelings, let them flow through you too. Do not try to cling on to them, let them flow on by. Wave at them as they leave, greet them as they come, smile, make them know that you know they cannot harm you. they will flow on by. You do not have to push them, or be mean to them, if you are, then of course let the meanness flow out too, replaced with more good energy. Everything that happens in your thought process, allow it to have a flow. Recognise it, do not try to control it, let it go into the stream.<br />
It helps, it is not the cure, it helps. People can lead you to the cure, you have to accept the healing.

I totally understand you, <br />
Feel the same way, <br />
But most of the time,<br />
Try to focus on good <br />
Things, takes my mind <br />
Away from it, we just<br />
Have to figure out <br />
How to deal with them, <br />
And is not easy when <br />
We are in our weakest <br />
Point, but that's how <br />
I look at it

That's a good attitude, 2Buddies. I should take that approach instead of being defeatist.

I have found that fighting my own demons releases me. Clarifies my goals each demon prevented me from seeing, much less reaching. If that can be defined as stronger, then so be it. All for the greater good of internal growth I say. Then I say "thank you demon, please drive through."

Thank you so much, both of you!

You are not alone. One thing I've learned in the short time I've spent on this web site is that we are not alone in our struggles with life. I also fight with my mental and physical 'demons' - the ones who make me feel worthless and as if there is no point to all this... and yet I find the people going through similar struggles are some of the most beautiful and are the few who actually give us the hope and strength to go on. <br />
<br />
You mention you want your son to realize the power of the mind -- the ironic thing is that I do the same with my niece who's only 9 without realizing that I myself have forgotten about the powers of my mind myself. How suddenly when my fr<x>ame of mind changes for a few moments everything ceases to be so hopeless and futile and I feel like I'm in control. I ponder about consciousness and the meaning of life. Two great mysteries we are here to solve in this Universe. <br />
<br />
You are not losing, as long as you are fighting you are in control.<br />
<br />
"They will not control us. We will be victorious!"