Of Living In the Here and Now....

  I am so use to living in the past and fearing the future, that I have no idea how to live in the here and now. It is hard when all I hear inside my head is negative, is that I'll never be happy.....

  I don't think I'm capable of living a "normal" life. I don't think I'll ever be able to "work" a normal job. The fear holds me in its death grip. Everytime I think maybe just maybe I'll be able to wiggle free, something happens and it grips me tighter. I'm not capable of having a "normal" relationship. I need someone who can take care of me, reassure me, love me, and be willing to prove it over and over again. Now I'm not saying that I'd need expensive gifts or flowers or anything like that. I mean that all he'd really have to do to prove it is not cheat on me, say "l love you" first every once in awhile. Hug me without me asking for one. Be willing to hold me as we fall asleep. Little things mean more to me than big stuff..... Although, the occasional date would be nice.


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1 Response Feb 10, 2009

The only way to hold down a job is to take it moment by moment by moment and learn each skill as you need to and make sure you get a long with every single person you interact with and that every second of your job goes smoothly. Avoid conflict at all costs and lost the anxiety you feel right now- just let it go. Your fear is reasonable. But you simply have to let it go and just let your self step into the pool and go under- you will float back up again- promise.