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My Wife Left Me For Someone Else and Now Wants Me Back.

Any perspective on this disaster would be appreciated.  My wife left me almost a year ago.  We're in our 30s, we've been married 5 years, and have a beautiful 2-year-old.  In short, we had trouble communicating and getting along, she basically alienated most of my friends with her bad temper and distant personality.  Two months after my wife moved out, she told me she was happy without me and suggested that I move on.  I then fell wildly for a beautiful 23-year-old, and we started a very passionate relationship.  Soon thereafter I got an anonymous call that my wife had been cheating on me with a married co-worker, since before she left me.  When I found out my wife had been cheating on me I was somewhat relieved, felt somehow exonerated, and was OK just dealing with the mess and having great times with my lover, and luckily sharing 50% of the time with my boy.  Here's where the hard part starts.  Now my wife says she sorry, that she misses me, that she's a different person, and that we can be better/stronger together after what we've learned.  I told my girlfriend I wanted some space to think about it, risking our fun/wild albeit young/reckless/rebound relationship.  Now my wife will probably have an opportunity to move, affording us the cheaters protection program escape, meaning I would basically have to sever all my current friendships and disappear into humility.  Our divorce can be finalized in about a month, with me luckily getting shared custody.  I've never cheated on anyone before, but now I find myself over and over having passionate love sessions with my girlfriend followed by conversations with my wife on the phone about what could be.  Both women are beautiful, ideally of course I would be with my wife, all else being equal.  If it weren't for my son, I would never go back to her.  If it weren't for her affair followed by my affair of sorts, I would try again with her.  Now I have both and I don't know what to do.  Do I end it all, stand up for myself, live with some sadness, and concentrate on my boy?  Or do I go back to her, with shame to all my friends who know her as a cheating *****, and go back on the promises I made to my girlfriend, in the hopes of having the relationship with my wife that I always wanted?  Do I risk continuing in a horrible marriage with a person I largely despise, in the hopes that it could be different this time?  I have to make this decision in about two weeks.

Quilumbo Quilumbo 36-40, M 18 Responses Apr 24, 2008

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Some of you guys are too soft with all due respect. Once a woman cheats on you, it doesn't matter if you have kids with her or not, you should move on and be with someone else. If you take her back, she'll disrespect you again and cheat behind your back.

Women wants control and power, and that's fine when you meet the faithful kind of women, but there's no reason to give control and power to a woman who cheats on you and wants to get back with you the moment she realized that you've moved on and no longer being emotionally hurt by her as you once did.

Don't take her back for the sake of your kid, your kid will always be your kid no matter what happens as long as you be the best father that you can be to him or her, but your cheating wife is replaceable and life can go on without her hurting you again. Don't give her the chance to hurt you again, she'll do it when she feels like you're not paying her enough attention or if she meets another guy whom she thinks she'll be happier with. Go thru with the divorce and don't look back.

hope you tell your ex-wife bye....

I think you might have to just leave this alone. It sounds like a situation of "I DON'T WANT HIM TO BE HAPPIER THAN ME" syndrome. Some women feel extreme power when they have control over a mans emotions / finances. When another woman comes along and fills the space up; they feel a loss of power and they just have to DO WHATEVER TO GET BACK IN CONTROL. Since they can't just bully their way back; they use the tears method. And as soon as the competition is removed; they leave you again. Now you don't have what you had, you are losing what you THOUGHT you have and now you have to syart all over again while she sits back and laugh at you. Just remember this: A WOMAN CAN WALK INTO A MALE SYRIP CLUB WEARING A BIKINI AND GET ANY MAN IN THERE TO SCREW HER. A MAN CAN WALK INTO A FEMALE ***** CLUB AND GET KICKED OUT FOR TOUCHING A STRIPPERS HAND!

A big thanks to DR atakuma, who brought back
ex girlfriend. My name is samson Benard, from
Canada. Last year, August
26th 2012, I proposed to my
ex girlfriend and she agreed to marry me then we both planned for the wedding. Our wedding was
to hold September
30th. We had a little
misunderstanding and she left me for another
guy. I almost committed
suicide; I never knew there was hope for me, a friend of mine would always advise me to be
hopeful and that one day she will
come back to me, Some
times I will go to her house to ask for forgiveness
to come back to me because she
really means a lot to me and I love her so much and she will ask me to leave her alone and I
should never come to her
house again. I found it
really hard to fall in love with another girl, months
passes by and I was
waiting patiently for her to come back to me but in my heart I was still going through hell, there
was a big hole in my
* *One morning I received a call from my friend
and he told me to come to
his house immediately, I quickly put on my clothes and ran to his house because I felt he was in
trouble, when I got to he’s
house, I met him on
his computer system and I ask him what the
problem was, he said when he was
browsing through the internet, he came across some testimonies on how a spell caster brought
someone’s ex husband back.
I was angry with him
because he frightened me and now he’s telling
about spell caster. I told
him to forget about the matter because I never believed in spell casters, he asked me if I really
want my ex girlfriend to
come back to me and I said
yes so he said I should give it a try because if you
really need something
that is very important to your life, then you go for it. I agreed to what he said and I took the spell
casters email address
and I emailed him, few
minutes later he replied me and asked what can
he do for me so I told him
what I wanted and he asked me to do what ever he asked of me which I did. He told me not to
worry that my ex girlfriend will
come back crawling on
her kneels asking for forgiveness as soon as he
cast the spell so he cast
the spell and the following day my ex girlfriend came back to me, right now I and my girlfriend
are happy. This is the reason I
decided to put it in
writing so that anybody that is hopeless will find
the reason to be
hopeful. If you are in the same situation, DR atakuma is the right spell caster that will solve
your problem, You can email
on: try and
see what he can do

What did you do?

My wife cheated, moved out, left me with two kids,and demanded a divorce. I gave it to her and was incredibly kind to her during the process.

I met a great woman whom I really liked and enjoyed. Then my ex wife wanted to see if we could work things out. She promised many things if I would just give it a chance for our family. I must be one dumb SOB. I listened, broke things off with my girlfriend and was ready to see if we could make a go of it.

The minute I had changed the direction of my life and given up the parts I was building she was back to her old self. She did nothing absolutely nothing to try. She was too busy with work or some emergency had cropped up so she said and she never set up counseling. I offered many times to set something up and she failed to give me a list of covered therapists. (I could not do it as she was the one with good insurance).

Finally, after a year I declared my independence and told her I was done for good. She said she'd been done for a very long time. Bizzare woman is jealous, angry and mad about the entire thing.

I've come to the conclusion that some people are just miserable and life must suck for them. I am way happier to not be entangled to such a downer.


I understand you more than you know. Similar but different situation but the altimatum is the same. Do you stay or do you go? As far as the other people in both of your lives, they each served a purpose at one point to help you get through whatever it is you were dealing with in moving on. Now you have an option. Where do you see your life going? Could you ever be happy back with your wife? Think about that with out taking your girlfriend into consideration, only because it sounds like you aren't that serious about her beyond the sex and fun which we all know doesn't last forever. You definiately have a hard choice. My opinion based on what you've stated would be, ask yourself if you could love and trust your wife again, other people's feelings aside. If you can't then there's your answer. If you can, then work on the communication problems you mentioned so you are able to have a whole and happy relationship with not only her but your family and friends. Also, keep in mind that your family and friends don't get a vote in your relationships and if you were to choose to take her back, they should be respectful of that and of her out of maturity and their relationship to you. Good luck, I hope which ever road you choose leads you to true happiness.

Maturity is the key words for your friends and family. And if you run your life on how people think of you, whatever choice you make will always come into question for those who are pro-wife or pro-girlfriend.

If you can't be happy with your wife, for goodness sake do not take that road as misery is not the way live out your life. Trust me I know.

You have two choices, figure out which is the best. One; You take her back and she ends up doing a repeat performance as she did before she left, She got dumped, nowhere else to go. that's why she wants you to take her back, Two; Go thru with the Divorce, then, take her back under conditions, She services you and your girlfriends, she wears a chasity belt. this way, you know she's not "sleeping" around. You keep your Girlfriend and you cuckold your ex wife. You become the dominate one. my opinion.

LOL. Or you wear the chasity belt and let both of them dominate you.

Do not take back your wife read this

Stage 2. That's me.

I'm in the same boat.. My ex wife wants to get back with me after her bf dumped her, I currently am seeing someone, it's nothing serious but I like her a lot . But I still love my ex. I'm unsure what to do. She left me for some one else and I feel like I'm just a safety net.

Now that is a man......BRAVO

@adam1399: Two years later... I basically couldn't get myself to take my ex back, mostly because of how humiliated I felt and how humiliated I would feel to take her back. It still pains me every day, but less and less each day. There's no telling what would be better, back with her or alone. The good news is I have by boy 3-4 days a week. I think I found that my love for my son eclipses everything else. I have a fine girlfriend, still hidden from my ex, but my feelings for her are eclipsed by my love for my son. Kinda hard to explain I guess. I will say that I have had both friends and strangers help me through this, and I've been told "pay if forward", so if you want to talk about this I'll provide what I can. I will add that regarding the girlfriend I referred to in my post, that was a stupid rebound mistake. Funny I though that girl was so hot-I was blinded by desperation from being left by my wife, and was swept away with passion for the 23-year old. The passion was not a sustainable love, it made me stupid. I pass no judgement on people taking a cheater back now-it might have been for the better for me. But at the same time, I want to be strong for my son, and in my relationship with my ex wife I was broken down. So now I'm happy with my son, maybe when he gains some independence I'll look for a serious relationship with a woman. If it doesn't come, **** it. Work hard, play hard. Pardon the random stream of consciousness.

Whoops! Didn't realize how old this post was. Looks like you're still a work in progress relationship wise, but sounds like you're getting there. Good luck!

wow please tell me how that turned out for u. i have the same story please tell me how it when i know how u feel.

I think you should move on with your new lover. Unfortunately people don't change. Your wife showed you that you can't trust her. It might hurt but its the logical decision.

Where are you going to put your feelings for your girlfriend? Do you think they are just going to go away? As much as you would like your son to have both his parents living in the same home, it is not a good enough reason to get back together. My bet is that if you do take her back, it will be just a matter of time before things are back to the way they were only worse! Slow down! Don't rush into a decision you might regret.

I was in the same boat. I would like to know what happened. I took my wife back, only to become an adulterer myslef.

wow.<br />
well, you said it yourself, that you would be unhappy with someone you largely dispise. sounds like your wife (soon to be ex) needs to grow up.

Why not see a professional marriage counselor and determine if you can work things out to both of your satisfaction. I wouldn't want to be married to someone who was a name caller even if I had cheated. I could see how that sort of thing could push away a spouse emotionally enough to want to cheat. You are as much responsible for the failed relationship as she is and if you are not mature enough to accept that then marriage is not something you should consider at this time.

People are people. They all come with their own set of problems and things we love and things we hate about them. You obviously loved this wife of yours at one time. You have a history with her (both good and bad). You have a forever connection with her (your son). You will have to work very hard for the two of you to forgive one another (but that act will make your bond stronger). Infidelity is the hardest thing to get past. All this said, I still believe that since you are married, you should do everything in your power to make it work. You both made vows and until it is just not at all possible to be married...I think you should be married.