Diarrhea Of The Mouth

The more I try to forgive and move forward, the more things keep coming out the woodworks. I know I usually write it all beautiful in a poem, but right now just needing to get this out. Today was super hard for me. The tire on the trailor that the kids is still...not fixed. Today was worse. It looks like he wrecked it or something. It's all lopsided and the flat tire was scraping against the metal. So much so that when I got someone to inflate it for me, the whole thing exploded. So I had the walk the kids the rest of the way home, dragging them in the trailor. I tried to call him. He was too busy to answer or even text me back. Just so hurt. We were supposed to go bowling as a family with our church. He told me before I picked up the kids that he would be late and just meet us there. He never showed up. I talked to my mom, told her how happy I was with school, but how everything at home seemed to be blowing up in my face. She said don't even confront him anymore unless what he's doing endangers the kids. Just do what I have to do to get through school. I think she's right. I just can't stop it from hurting even though I've decided to leave it alone. Lord, help me to make it through this. It's really hard right now.
b4realz b4realz
31-35, F
3 Responses Jan 11, 2013

One day he will realise the damage he has done and by that time you will have graduated from school and from him. Your determination and strength are astounding, I can only pray to that I would handle myself as gracefully as you have if I were in the same position.

My heart goes out to you. Part of me feels that your mom is right, if confronting him is not going to get him to change any at all, there is no point at this time. It sounds as if he has...totally stopped trying. If that is the case, he probably will continue to do what he has done. And if he is still trying, why did he not respond to you when you had an emergency? I thought he was happy and gonna be supportive of you starting school and it seems that right off the bat, he is coping out.

Before when I first mentioned wanting to get my masters, mine was all supportive but part of me can't help feeling that he just wanted me to go so that I will be out of his way and busy so that I wouldn't question him on what he is doing. Just today, I came downstairs to the study to say hi to him after we returned from my son's basketball game and he literally jumped a bit as he stopped typing and hurried to click onto another page before I got to see what he was doing on the computer. And immediately after that he got up and came to hug me and hold me and asked me what I want to do for the rest of the day. Maybe he is bipolar-not an excuse. Or he is still communicatiing with that other woman in another country or it might even be someone here where we are by now. Some might say what he is doing might now even be seen as cheating-that is just chatting with someone. But either way, if it is inappropriate and he has to hide it from me that way, then it is betrayal. On the surface, my husband looks like the model person, nice, good to us, watches out for us, takes care of us, great father. But in a marriage....he is just a Monster. It's like he needs to do this even though he knows how I feel. Either way....it hurts. If I was well on my way to finishing my masters, I think I probably would slowly withdraw away even if he is all lovey to me but right now with three long years still there before I get there, it is very hard to live day in and day out with that person and not feel anything because we are human with feelings, compassion, love. It's just right now, we don't have that one person other than our children to express that love with. To show that love to him, we get scared that they will just go an shatter it to a billion pieces again. It sounds like you like class, use that as your outlet and with him, do what you feel you can, confronting him at this point might not do anything but ruin your focus for school. The first time I found out, I nearly flunked out of all my classes as I finished(and prior to that, I had all A's).

Thanks for the advice. My heart goes out to you as well. What some people think is cheating or what isn't doesn't matter. We've communicated how we feel and think to our husbands and should never have to back down from that. Love you to life.

Thank you! Keep working hard on your program and seek your mom's support if she gives it, especially with the kids. If you have finals, exams, map it out with someone to help with the kids so that you won't have to multi task during that stressful period. And if course we are here supporting you every step of the way :) have a great Sunday.

Hugs to you......