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I Want Out, He Wants Me To Stay

I really think it is a case of a fragile tropical plant that has not been watered in way too long.  My love for him has died and I can't get it back.  He admits to "checking out" of the marriage previously.  Of course this was at a time when I really needed him - my job was suffering, I was the primary breadwinner and parent. I needed a partner and I got a roommate who wouldn't listen.  There was the time when he was addicted to internet ****.  There goes the sex life for over a year.  Now I have asked him to move out, not once but four times.  He sleeps downstairs.  We haven't had sex in well over a year.  When we tried the last time, I just cry.  Unfortunately that is what this marriage has given me, more tears than laughter.

I realize that a marriage takes work, but when I have tried for over two years to communicate with him openly (after simmering in resentment for 3) I have pretty much given up.  I don't hold a hope for my marriage.  We are going to counseling but I don't think it will help.  What I wish it would do is show him how much pain and heartbreak he gave me that I just can't get over. 

We have been together for 18 years, married for 9.  And all I want is a divorce.  I told him I would go through 12 weeks of counseling but, at the end either he needs to go or I do.  I just can't take it anymore, even though he is trying, I don't trust him to keep it up - it is just a phase.

He says he needs to grow and become a better communicator.  I don't want to be his guinnea pig.  I'm done.
ozietwin ozietwin 41-45 2 Responses Jun 3, 2010

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100% honesty and open talking. or it will fail. might still fail anyway, but you have nothing to loose.

How are you those days? I read your story because I am in a similar situation and I don't know what to do. I want out sometimes, but I am afraid.