Conflicted Emotions

My current husband (I was married to another man before twice) and I have been married for 3.5 yrs.  But we seem to still be arguing over and over about the same topics since we first met.  Now we have kids involved to.  Finally in Jan I got tired of fighting since we had been non stop for weeks and told him I couldn't do this anymore.  I even admitted to having feelings for someone else.  Since that fight he has switched gears to being clingy and mopey and begging for another chance.  I gave in and told him I would give him till the end of Feb to shape up or ship out.  Now I will concede that he has made some changes but how will I know if its gonna last.  Every other time we have fought he would promise to change then two weeks later revert.  I am afraid that when things get comfortable things will go back to the way they were.  Now he wants to go to marriage counseling but I really don't want to.  I just feel he is stalling.  I mean its not just the normal fights you hear about regarding bills, or kids or even intimacy, but to include him going through my texts, emails, and having friends check up on me (this was going on before I started having feelings for someone else).  He has major trust issues and always has.  No matter how many times I say I am not the kind of women who cheats that does not matter.  I am tired of feeling alone in my marriage.  I am tired of having to handle everything to do with the house or kids myself (total of 4 kids 2 from previous marriage) especially since I am disabled in a wheelchair.  I need help and i don't think its to much of me to ask for it from my spouse.  He has even gotten mutual friends involved in our problems which one of them took it upon themselves to come over and chew me out because he cared.  I feel trapped and scared both by the relationship and of the effect a break up will have on friends.  But at the same time that I want out I also am afraid that I could be being emotional and end up making a mistake.  i am so conflicted.

Mystgz Mystgz
26-30, F
2 Responses Mar 2, 2010

You know in your heart it won't get any better. Get yourself an attorney and start your divorce.

I'm sorry about your current situation. That's is a lot to deal with. I also read about your fantasies not being fulfilled, which only adds to the frustration. You have found the right place to vent and possibly find some relief. Please add me as a friend, I would love to chat with you