It's A Tricky One...

well, i don't mean really drunk.... but my ideas flow, i speak more freely and i feel more at ease. my mind seems to work better?! i know what you're thinkin why doesn't that always happen? it just doesn't!! and i've tried. i find it hard to give myself completely. until drunk. people say this all the time. what to do.... 

cloudlessworld cloudlessworld
31-35, F
3 Responses Mar 13, 2010

I too was in the same boat,but learned I was an alcoholic. I have now been sober for 18 years, and everytging about life is a lot easier.

oh dear : S i will take heed!

That is exactly, word for word, what I always said. I always felt clammed up and non-creative. I always was funnier, and more spontaneous when I'd had a few. I wasn't so scared and full of anxiety, I could talk to people, and I felt relaxed and confident. If I said something stupid or embarassing, I could always say I'd had a few. In short, it seemed to cure everything that was wrong with me, including my stage fright, so I would self-medicate. I did it for many years.<br />
The problem was, that I became an alcoholic, although I never thought it would happen to me. Essentially, the crutch I had used gradually stopped making anything fun, and I was mostly crazy and sick. When I got off alcohol, I had the same problems I always had, and I had been doing nothing to confront them, I had been stagnant all those years. So now I'm sober, because to continue the way I was going would have seen me dead or in an insane asylum. I've had to relearn how to do things I could never do without alcohol. <br />
The upside is that I am truly living and learning, for the first time in many years. Whoops, sorry, I was in story mode, there, but the point I guess I'm trying to make, is watch out. The friend, the medicine, the genie in the bottle eventually becomes a demon.