I Don't Know My Father And It Tortures Me.

Up until I was 10, I was told and believed that my adopted father was my biological father. He adopted me when I was 2. He and my mother were married from then until I was about 8, and they divorced and she 'fessed up-- he wasn't my dad. It has tortured me emotionally ever since. My mom and "dad' got back remarried about 4 years ago, and we've been living here ever since. I turn 16 next week.
I always ask my mom to tell me the story of my real father. My mom always was in abusive relationships when she was younger, and her dad taught her that if a man yelled at her or hit her or didn't treat her right, to just up and leave. Before she got with my dad, she was married to a man who beat her and threatened to kill her and she left of course. When she met my father and got married to him, they were literally married two weeks and she got pregnant. They got in their first fight and she got scared and left him. When she found out that she was pregnant, she called him up and told him. He told her that she was pregnant before they got together and that I wasn't his. So my mom did the math and she was sure that I was his because she didn't have any sexual partners a ways before him. So she went on with her pregnancy on her own.
He called her after she had me and was looking to solve the problem. He asked her to come home and they'd forget that even happened. You see, my mom is a really bull headed person so she said no because he didn't think I was his and he was rude to her.
My mom had moved to a little town about 2 hours away from where my dad lived, and that's where we've lived ever since. Her last contact with him was when my adopted father (they got married) wanted to adopt me and she needed him to sign papers and all that so he mailed the signed sheets to her.
I never met him, never talked to him, nothing. The only thing I have to know anything about him is 4 pictures from their wedding. I've always wanted to find him. But every time I've talked to my adopted father about it, he breaks down like I don't love him. Of course I love him.. He raised me up. He's provided for me better than anyone could. I live in a beautiful home and have everything I could ever want. It's not that I want to replace him at all. But he doesn't know that, and I understand why. He's scared. Because he knows that he's the one that loved me and treated me like a father should treat his daughter. He didn't care that I wasn't his. He took me in and gave me the honor of having his last name. The only reason I want to find my real dad is to get closure. Because regardless if he didn't give to craps about me, I want to prove to him that I was his with a blood test, show him what he missed out on, and let him know that even though he was never there for me, that I love him for giving me the opportunity to have the life I have now. I want to talk to him about his life... my life... get to know each other better.

I'll find him one day. I guess.
marionrose marionrose
18-21, F
Jan 16, 2013