Single Mother Lost and Alone, Confused On Where to Go Now.
Ok, so here is my story..
I am almost 28 and have no earthy idea what i want to do with my life, or how to get there.
I (foolishly) got married at 19 to a soldier. I left cosmetology school to be the betty home maker that my mother always taught us to be. i was married for 4 1/2 years and have a son from this marrage. I got devorced when my son was 14 months old. (long drama filled story..which will be another post). Since then i have done everything on my own with no help from my ex husband. He disowned his son because he wanted to be a batchler. (yes i can't spell) Anywho.. I was forced to live with my parents first off, then progressed to the projects so we could live on our own. from there i got a job doing security and was able to get our own appartment, and now i have the pleasure of owning my own home. (of course its financed..lol) Well.. right after i baught my house , 2 months to be exact, i got layed off after 2 years with the company. Go figure. so which brings us to the current story..
Here i am with no job, no future, no education exept highschool, and now no money with the exeption of the court ordered childsupport.. Which apparently is too much money to get help from the state of TN. And now i am not only a single parent, i am broke, have a morgage to pay, and absolutely no idea what i want to be or do when i grow up..so to speak.
I have had all these ideas of trying to go back to school, for criminal justice, photography, physical therapy, massage therapy, and all sorts of things i THOUGHT interested me. but every time i get motivated to try something and think it might work to better my life.. I see something that discurages me, like how much it costs, how long it will take, what courses i need to even be accepted. things like that.
Well to fill you in on my educational background.. well.. there really is none. I was a military brat so moved every other year, so each school i had to start over. when i got to high school it was found out that i had a learning disibility and on top of that, dyslexic. So when the schools found that out they just pretty much told me show up and i will pass.. like i am worthless and helpless. My highest math was algebra one. I got a D in english but they passed me with a B. And can you imagine graduating high school knowing you were failing 2 classes but they felt bad for you and graduated you with HONERS?!?! What a slap in the face and a load of ...well you know.
So here i am trying to do something important with my life and i can't because i don't have the requred curriculum to enter college. i am missing 9 classes! how did i even pass high school?! I graduated in 1999. surely they must have known i needed them to go further in life.. but no.. i was a lost cause. 4 year colleges are out now cause of that.. and even if i tryed i would have to take remedial classes for 2 years to catch up. And i don't even know if i will pass cause i was only taught so much. Hell my son is learning algebra in 1st grade!!! I feel like an idot.
I tryed to look up technical schools thinking they might be better for me.. but i have no idea what i want to do, and would hate to get into something that i am not gonna like 2 months later. ya know. That and knowing i have trouble remembering practically everything.. and i have a reading level of a 6th grader.. i mean.. i have no confidence that i will be able to actually do this. I want too. i need to.. but how. I have no job to pay for it, nor the daycare i will need, i don't have any idea what i want to do,or even how to get there.
I am lost..
i feel hopeless, useless, confused, pathetic and majorly depressed. How can i be 27 almost 28 next month and have no idea where my life will lead.
I see people my age and see how happy they are, see all the good things they did and are doing, there married and have college in there back ground and there so out going. Me.. i am the lady who barely comes out of her house, the one with no job, no future and a son who deserves better than what i can give him. But hey.. im not the crazy lady with a whole bunch of cats..lol gotta be good for something right??
I don't know what to do..any suggestions?
I tryed the military thing.. but they told me i would have to give up custody of my son to go in.. and frankly.. i am not going to put my son up for adoption.. he is the main reason i want to better my self. So that he can have the things he deserves and that he can see me happy for once. but... yeah.. i am so out of ideas.