I Think About Death Alot
I guess I used to be terrified of death. Especially when my children were young and I was afraid I would die before they were able to care for themselves.
Now they are adults I kind of feel like my job is done. They were always my reason, my purpose.
My Dad died 3 years ago and it left a profound imprint on me. I wonder often times, where he is...is there really a heaven, or something else..something beyound, or...is this it? Whats the point, etc..
Im not saying I dont care to live, I feel like i should be enjoying life more as this may be the only life i will ever get. But, I cant help that unrested feeling I get deep down inside that really wants to know...what happens after we go?
Although Im only 44 years old, besids losing my Dad in the past 3 years, Im seeing more and more people die...I know my ticket could be up any time at all.
Am i obsessed? I read books on death and dying...then I think of my own religeous upbringing that says..hell, heaven or purgatory and my mind spins.
Am I alone here?