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I Think About Death Alot

I guess I used to be terrified of death. Especially when my children were young and I was afraid I would die before they were able to care for themselves.

Now they are adults I kind of feel like my job is done. They were always my reason, my purpose.

My Dad died 3 years ago and it left a profound imprint on me. I wonder often times, where he is...is there really a heaven, or something else..something beyound, or...is this it? Whats the point, etc..

 

Im not saying I dont care to live, I feel like i should be enjoying life more as this may be the only life i will ever get. But, I cant help that unrested feeling I get deep down inside that really wants to know...what happens after we go?

Although Im only 44 years old, besids losing my Dad in the past 3 years, Im seeing more and more people die...I know my ticket could be up any time at all.

Am i obsessed? I read books on death and dying...then I think of my own religeous upbringing that says..hell, heaven or purgatory and my mind spins.

Am I alone here?

taliwagger taliwagger 41-45, F 3 Responses Aug 31, 2009

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Thankyou treetos,<br />
<br />
Im sorry you are having such a rough time. Ive done the drinking bouts before as well but for different reasons.<br />
<br />
i think this week coming up, Im going to take myself up on a "Spiritual Quest" <br />
Anyone want to join me?

Hi Shardome,<br />
<br />
I know exactly how you feel. Often I can't slee at night for worrying about whether I will wake in the morning. I turned to drink a few years ago which hel ed with the slee ing but am now an alchoholic. I can't hel you, but you're not alone.

Thankyou angel, I do really try to hope and believe, but there are so many unanswered questions...<br />
im very sorry for your loss.