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Idk

I sit many times trying to figure out what I want in my life. Sometimes I feel that if I had a commited partner or husband then I would better be able to be happy and feel secure, loved, and protected. I love my kids, but they need a dad. Career wise I'm in the rut where I WANT CHANGE. I'm in college full time and I really have no friends. I have no one to talk to, so sometimes I want friends that would be able to understand and relate to how I feel.

But then sometimes I feel like - to hell with everybody, I'm TIRED of people using me, I'm tired of putting others before my self (the only people who should come before me are my kids), I'm TIRED of the b/s and charades at church so I stopped going (I mean seriously, Jesus does not tell Pastors to intimidate people about giving tithes and offerings especially when they truly don't have it....I DESPISE churches that intimidate people instead of trying to help them when the Pastor is driving 2 cadillacs, he and his wife wearing expensive clothes and jewlery YET in the church fund they only give a single mother with 5 children 30 dollars to buy GROCERIES....WTF!!! Stuff like that ****** ME OFF).

IDK what I need in my life other than love and happines. S*x is important as well - but sometimes I feel like **** it, I don't even need that I can "take care of myself" faster than a man could and still get other stuff done afterwards.

So...IDK....I just really don't know.
bbwqueenofhearts bbwqueenofhearts 26-30, F Feb 3, 2011

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