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I Just Dont Know

I dont know about anything really anymore. , **** I don't even know what I don't know. My feelings , my emotions. Everything so complicated. nothing makes sense. There's nothing that makes me say, oh I'm so excited to do this today!!! everything is just like a job, I gotta do it. I make my self do stuff like play basketball because it gives me somthing to do cuz if I had it my way I'll just stay home all day doing nothing like a straight up loser. I like basketball and stuff but I don't have motivation or passion anymore really for it. I just get up and do it so I can do somthing postive with my life. There's some goals I have like getting a six pack. I do my best to work towards it. Makes feel like I'm Doing somthing instead of doing nothing which I feel like doing.

I have my happy moments though. But there just moments. Nothing that last. Im really tired. I'm living not alive. To be honest I think that's how it's gonna be for a long time or the rest of my life idk. I just wish somthing would bring me alive. Somthing that'll give me a reason to live for. I have friends that care about me and their great but I need someone to be more than my friend but that won't happen. I don't really stay living for me, Just for the people that care and because I refuse to quit even though my life sucks and I doubt it would get any better.
lonelylife23 lonelylife23 18-21, F 1 Response May 13, 2012

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Don't worry..everything will be fine..i loved a tomboy, he was very close to me for 2 years than, recently i found out he was cheating on me. he was secretly calling his ex girlfriend. much more worst he hide it from me. he went to see her, she bought him a new handphone...he use it to call her...<br />
i was so hurt & depressed...i even tried to kill myself....<br />
but here i am..telling you all this nonsense...

Thanks I'm really sorry to hear that, =( I hope your doing better

I tried to leave him but what can i do? i loved him so deeply...
I can't think of another person replacing him...
Whatever i do, i kept thinking of him...he is following me everywhere in my mind...
I can't get over it at all...the sweet memories that i had with him is killing me...thank god. i find a place to share &amp; friend to tell my suffering...