I Just Dont KnowI dont know about anything really anymore. , **** I don't even know what I don't know. My feelings , my emotions. Everything so complicated. nothing makes sense. There's nothing that makes me say, oh I'm so excited to do this today!!! everything is just like a job, I gotta do it. I make my self do stuff like play basketball because it gives me somthing to do cuz if I had it my way I'll just stay home all day doing nothing like a straight up loser. I like basketball and stuff but I don't have motivation or passion anymore really for it. I just get up and do it so I can do somthing postive with my life. There's some goals I have like getting a six pack. I do my best to work towards it. Makes feel like I'm Doing somthing instead of doing nothing which I feel like doing.
I have my happy moments though. But there just moments. Nothing that last. Im really tired. I'm living not alive. To be honest I think that's how it's gonna be for a long time or the rest of my life idk. I just wish somthing would bring me alive. Somthing that'll give me a reason to live for. I have friends that care about me and their great but I need someone to be more than my friend but that won't happen. I don't really stay living for me, Just for the people that care and because I refuse to quit even though my life sucks and I doubt it would get any better.