No Idea.

For 17 years, I was told I was worthless, hated by the people who should've loved me unconditionally. If they weren't drilling into me about something... I didn't exist. I was always an afterthough, never a piority... I was just a kid. For the first 10years I was loved by dad, my older brother and neighbours. Mum never loved me, she started playing with my feelings and emotions when I was too small to remember. When I was 10, I got thrown into a world of hate, a world of not being listened to. I was a prisoner and I was expected to do EVERYTHING and take on full responsiblity for mum. When she got too ill I was shoved onto my aunt and punished for it. I was never wanted, I was unloved... Mum and her family always gave me mixed emotions, they played on them all the time. I wasn't allowed to be unhappy, yet I wasn't allowed to be happy. I wasn't allowed friends. I wasn't allowed to be loved. I wasn't allowed to have my own space. I wasn't allowed freedom. They did everything they could to destroy my education, my future, the only escape I could ever hope for. They kept me away from help and support, they destroyed every decent friendship and every relationship I've ever had. They broke me apart... They hurt me so much, I can't write down everything they did, it's too painful and would take me forever...

But now I'm away... I'm still not happy. I feel guilty and ashamed of asking for help... I feel like it's all my fault, like I'm wasting other people's time and resources. I feel like I don't deserve any of this. I don't want all this attention. I'm so used to being ignored... I was so desperate to be loved, to be free, to not be a prisoner anymore... I regret it, I regret it all. I don't know what's right or wrong anymore. I never have... I've messed up so much. I don't think I'm worth anything. Other people say that's not true but it's hard to trust or believe anyone when you've been told so many lies, when people broke all their promises. Sometimes I think nobody saved me because I didn't deserve to be saved. I have no idea what I'm worth anymore.
elpatitofeo elpatitofeo
18-21, F
1 Response Jul 6, 2011

You are worth the attention, you are worth the support, you deserve to be happy, you deserve every smile, you worth more than this much *holds arms out stretched*, you're worthy to be loved, worthy to be liked, you are worth being taken of, you are worthy to do what YOU want to do, you deserve an education, you deserve to be free, you deserve to laugh and cry, you're worthy to be hugged and held, you are worthed to be listened to, you are worthy to be a priority, you are worthed to be noticed, your emotions are allowed to be laid straight, you deserve your own space, you deserve to feel good, you deserve stability and promises.<br />
<br />
You deserve to be saved,<br />
You're worth more than the world