I Wish

I wish I could feel love....
It seems I was born not to feel the emotion of love. Just insecurity, fear then elation and fearlessness, destruction and selfishness.

I wish I could live in the real world, and feel real emotions. And be able to socialise and partake in the real world, I feel like an outsider. Like I will never know what it is like to really live life.

You never know when or what this life will throw at you. When you might lose someone in your family. I've spent most of my life, being protected and kept and spoilt by my mother, but because of my bpd, npd, selfishness and social ineptness I am unable to give anything back, and experience a close real connection with my mother. It's soo sad to think I may one day I may lose her And I wouldn't have ever felt close to her, just feel guilt of my treatment of her .......
What a truly awful thought......

I pray somehow I can change my life around ...... And be a better daughter and to share some time living with my family- and not in my bubble- of either High dependency or low dependency.......

My mother, my sister, and me ........
Please please please

Just to be fearless, and in the moment , connected ..... With peace and harmony

Xxxxxxxxx
Changeneeded Changeneeded
26-30, F
Jan 12, 2013