What Does He Want? Please Help!

So, I am in love with a man who not only lives 1200 miles away, but has a girlfriend. He has been with her off and on for just over 3 years. I have known him for only a little over a year but I know I love him with all of my heart and I just want him to be happy, whether it is with me or someone else.

He has had slight issues with depression in the past, which one would never know by looking at him because he comes off as the happiest, most outgoing person in the world. He doesn't open up to people but he has opened up to me and let me see a side of him that even though it can be startling and somewhat scary, I still love. I know that he has a fear of losing friends and being alone. Maybe this plays into the fact that he is still dating this girl that he says he loves but is not in love with anymore. I'm not sure.

I know this is a very complicated situation and many people my age have not gone through anything like this before. None of my friends really seem to understand enough to be able to give me advice. So, I have been struggling for about a year now trying to get him to break up with his girlfriend if that's what he really wants.

He tells me almost every day how they don't even talk anymore and how she always makes him feel bad and feel inferior to her etc. Hearing this always upsets me. How could some ***** do that to the man I love? How could she do that to the kindest person I know? How could she take advantage of a person who never puts himself first and has always cared about her? I don't understand.

He lives with her in a house she bought a few months ago and he helps pay the morgage. She tells all of her friends that they bought it together but it's just in her name. He tells me that the way she makes everyone think they have a perfect life bothers him a lot. A lot of things bother him about her. He also tells me that he can see himself marrying me. I can see it too. I just don't know what to do in the present.

Every time we begin to talk about this he just tells me to wait. He tells me that he doesn't know what is happening right now but he knows that it will all work out someday. Well, that's not good enough for me. I want to know what I am supposed to do until then. I know that I shouldn't continue prying about his girlfriend because that's just annoying. I haven't said anything in about a month. I just don't know if there is something I can do to make him happy. I know to truly be happy he has to find it in himself, but I am the person who always wants to assist people in that process.

He has mentioned that he wants to open a bike shop someday so I randomly bring it up and he always gets a big smile. His girlfriend doesn't even like when he rides. I understand that it is something he has done for 20 years and he will never stop. Even though I am not passionate about it I love his dedication and determination. I hope to help him open that shop someday. I know it will make him happy.

I am moving in January and I will be less than 15 minutes away, something I've always dreamed of but never knew how to make it happen. I told him and he seems excited. I don't know what that is going to do with us though. Some people have told me that I just live too far away and it's too hard for us to be together. It won't anymore.

So anyways, I don't know if I should continue to lay low, talk to him when he talks to me, stick to small talk unless he initiates, that kind of thing, or if there is something I can do to better this situation.

Please Give Any Suggestions. Sorry for the rambling...feel free to ask any questions if it doesn't make sense.

FeistyRoadrunner FeistyRoadrunner
18-21, F
4 Responses Aug 3, 2007

It's good that you're experiencing strong feelings. Don't let these feelings paint an illusory landscape. If something is wrong, find out why. Don't sell yourself out; Don't back off because the other person is uncomfortable or defensive. Those kinds of issues only get worse over time, not better. <br />
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Relationships are about compromise, communication, and understanding. Mutual, not one-way.

Aww Thank you! I try. As for being wise beyond your years, not so sure. It's a nice thought though.

I know that I have only heard one side of the story which makes things much harder. There are times I wish I could just sit down and talk to her about him because she knows him really well too. I'm sure it would be a great time...besides the fact that if she knew everything I'm sure she'd want to kill me. <br />
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But anyways, one of the reasons we broke up is because I was going to be a senior in high school and he felt that by me always wanting to talk to him and be with him that would somehow make me miss out in a very important part in my life. I understand that and I know it would have been much different if we were still dating. I'm ok with all of that now. I just think that I am ready to be with him again and he's not ready and I don't really get why. Sort of but not really. <br />
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I do have a lot of fun now and mess around a lot...maybe more than I should. It sucks though because any time I am with another guy all I can think of is how much I wish it were Chris. Then that just ruins the whole moment and I end up being secretly unhappy but I can't tell the guy that because he wouldn't get it. They never do. <br />
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So, lately I have just been working way too much and using it as an excuse to not hang out with guys. It's worked pretty well actually. I had a girls night last weekend which was great. I am not just sulking around thinking about him, I just know that I want to be with him and I know that even though I am happy right now, whenever I am with him or talking to him I am happier than ever. He is worth waiting for. I am sure of it.<br />
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O he is 24, going to be 25 on december 25th ah yes christmas and his golden birthday. i have a feeling it will be extra special! his girlfriend is 23 i believe which sort of intimidates me at times but i know that her being older has nothing to do with anything. <br />
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Living in texas is what I want. For a long time I wasn't sure if it was just because of him but now I do know that he is just a small part of it. Hopefully he will become a bigger part, but as for now I am doing what I want, moving far away and doing whatever I feel like! :)

Thank you for reading this!! I definitely think she is trying to control him and i hate it. I hope he tells her off one of these days heheh