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Bothersome

 I love my Georgia. She is my life and i will always be with her. But she will always be with Mani. Her on again off again best friend slash ex-gf slash person trying to break us up slash person who won't get over Georgia. 

Georgia and I have been dating for just about a year. She proposed to me and we plan on getting married next summer. I have no doubts about that. But, her ex-gf right before me slash bf Mani has already tried breaking up our relationship twice. Granted Georgia is not giving in to any of Mani's advances, but I don't think it's fair that Mani should still be around. I know she is Georgia's friend and they've been friends for many years and that's hard to end, but it's just not fair to me. 

I feel like an *** when i talk badly about Mani and tell Georgia I don't want her in our lives, but I can't hold it back because I feel so strongly about this. It eats away at me. And Georgia doesn't want to kick her bf out of her life.

So what do I do? It's becoming a weekly fight now. Maybe even more. I try to suppress it, but something always comes up. I try and just nod my head about anything with Mani, but then Georgia wants to know more. But what I say is never what she wants to hear. And it upsets her. I try to say nothing at all. I really do try. 

I'm very good at reading people. Georgia knows and agrees with this and knows that i'm pretty much always right on how a relationship will turn out with someone. I have been predicting every aspect of her and Mani's relationship and have been right, but she still won't listen to me about what is going on. I know Mani still loves her and wants to be with her. And I know that Georgia is typically completely oblivious when people are flirting with her. So I know Mani is subtley making advances towards Georgia that Georgia isn't picking up, and Mani knows this as a part of her game, and the whole relationship will blow up once again with Mani telling Georgia to not be with me because Mani is still in love with her. Cuz that's how it happens. 

Georgia says I don't forgive people or give them chances and she can't understand why. My philosophy is simple. It didn't work out for a reason. Things are(n't) meant to be. Don't **** with me, you only get one chance. Simple. I don't think Mani deserves my respect or my friendship for trying to break me and my fiance up not just once, but twice.

So we have this on going battle and I wish I could just find the solution to end it and that we didn't have to have this constant fight, the only thing that we every even fight about in our relationship.  This will not end our relationship, I just don't want it to be a part of our relationship.

 

PushMeDown PushMeDown 26-30, F 2 Responses Jun 11, 2009

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I have told Georgia that I trust her completely, that its Mani I do not trust. And she knows how much it hurts me, bringing me to tears every time we have to have this conversation. But she says this is her only long term friend and someone who has been in her life forever and she shouldn't have to give that up. She wouldn't ask me to give up any of my friends. Of course my response is my friends wouldn't do that--that just made her more mad.<br />
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We have completely communicated multiple times about our feelings on the situation and there is just no room to compromise on the subject it feels like. So we are just kind of stuck with it it seems.

I feel for ya, this must be hard to deal with. On one hand, you should be happy that you found love and the person you love, Georgia loves you back and wants to make a life commitment to you. <br />
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On the other hand, this "friend" of hers is creating unneeded drama in your lives. Mani sounds to be not a good friend since a true friend will want their friends to be happy and won't want to destroy a relationship. Maybe in Mani's mind she thinks she is better for her than you, maybe she loves her so much that it is making her delusionally think that they can be together again. Maybe Mani misreads Georgia's kindness and friendship as meaning something more. You do trust Georgia, am I correct?<br />
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From what you wrote, Mani seems to be a toxic person. I don't think there is a problem for exes stay friends with each other as long as both parties are mentally healthy and respect boundaries. Georgia has to set very firm boundaries with Mani. If Mani does not respect the boundaries, than Mani is not respecting Georgia and therefore is not a friend and ties should be severed.<br />
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You need to communicate this with Georgia and make sure that she understands that your motives are not from jealousy and that you would see Mani as toxic even if she was not an ex-gf. I wish the two of you the best of luck and hopefully this issue with Mani will be resolved somehow.