Don't Kow What to Do Anymore. the Main Express Has Stopped.

Hello all...

Welp, this is probably the last place for me to turn before I do God knows what. I'll start from the beginning, might be long.

I thought since I was a kid that I was born into a family that was loving, fun and just caring...not rich or jazzy, but just enough to be happy. Over the years, I started to realize that my father had a huge temper; throw cups against my grandmothers room when he was angry, push my mom and whoever around. He would then be very apologetic. His father was supposedly abusive, but I found out later that it wasn't really so. My father was in a good industry before but could never get along with any workers or managers - so eventually he would be fired. He then turned to being a driver of buses or cabs. He did that for many years, then one day completely let his license expire. It has now been about 10 years and he has been a recluse at home with absolutely nothing to do for himself or his family. These 10 years have been the worst 10 years, when it should have probably been the best (age 10ish to 20ish). I was, nor my sisters, allowed to see each other - though we stayed in rooms just next door. He controlled my mother and still does - she's not allowed to go with friends or anyone. Dad and I would have an on again, off again relationship where he would not talk or say a word to me if he didn't here these exact words: "I'm sorry"...often forcing me, sisters or Mom to do so by yelling at the top of his lungs, motioning to look as though he were about to do something, bringing out the bible....whatever it was.

To cut a bit, now the house is mainly silent: he stays, like he has been, in the living room (where he sleeps on the couch from early morning to afternoon, then nap later) and stays on the computer around the clock when he is awake. He has tried to win sympathy from everyone in the family by pretending he is sick. He even uses my grandmothers oxygen that was prescribed to her. A little back story, my grandmother, who lives with us, got sick back in April and had to stay in the hospital for 2 months or so. During this time, there were a few procedures she had to go through. My father, being the control person, told every doctor and nurse there that he "had the power of attorney" and told the doctors what procedures to do and not to....even if it were highly recommended. I cleared it up with the doctor, who is actually the head of a department, and now he doesn't want to have to do anything with her or him.

I apologize that these stories aren't really in order, but things that come to mind. In any case, to back about last year in the fall I started to finally finish up with a two year degree from school. Mom and Dad don't work so I've been using financial aid like my sisters. Problem is: he doesn't want to give his social security number to anyone....I'm sure it's because he did something fraudeulant in the past and is worried. He's always told me stories about crazy spending, and then claiming that his identity was stolen. I forgot to mention that he has been, for a while, using grandmothers medicare benefits by calling into a pharmacy, pretending to be her doctor and getting medicines for himself and for the kids (we didn't know of the practice til late last year). He has been addicted to valium since I can remember and that's how he gets them.

Ok so now fast forward to the present present. No money for school and had a great waitering job that went south after the job didn't quite work out. I found out today that the job that I am currently at is looking to cut back for the summer and that, of course, the seniors have priority over me. This also comes at a time that my dad and mom are supposedly leaving early next year to Spain or somewhere for some kind of job opportunity, leaving me and my grandmother to fend for ourselves. I forgot to mention that my mom has some sort of government deal where she is working to be my grandmothers helper?? I'm not sure how it works but I know it's a paid through the government. This also comes at a time where he forced one of my sisters to move (which may not be bad given that it has been 6 people in a two bedroom apartment for 20 years) and she finally is in the next few weeks. Since my dad barred us from really bonding when we were little, he also turned my sisters and mother against my mother and they want nothing to really do with her - which leaves me to take care of her if they all leave.


Ok, here I am. I haven't a clue what to do. I'm sure there's more to tell but those are the main things...I'm starting to really lose it mentally and emotionally. I don't know where to go or turn.



ultimatelyconfused ultimatelyconfused
1 Response Jun 23, 2009

Hi, you sound pretty desperate which I can understand, but the facts are that you are not your father and this situation isn't your fault. We all have to live through times which can be difficult, for some very difficult, but we have and have to make choices. They can seem like tough choices that are difficult to make and then live with, but we all have to make them otherwise we are just victims and not in control<br />
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I sounds like your father has never been able to control his life and so does the next best thing - control the lives of those around him, but he can only do that because you let him. <br />
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In your situation I would just move out and get on finding your own life. It will be tough and other people may suffer, but you will never really be in a position to help them or yourself if you dont take control of you own life now - you have to trust that you will end up in a better place and that when you look back you will know you did the right thing.<br />
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Good luck