What Do I Do Now?

Well, after the whole hospital trip, I get a call from her the next Friday, and she asks me about what if we were to give it a second chance, and we talk for a couple of hours about what we want out of the relationship, and things that went wrong the first time and what we can do to make things better.  In the end we decide to give it another go, but that we were going to take it real slow.

That weekend I had to work so I was not able to go up and see her until Saturday night.  That night was good. We watch a movie together and cuddle a bit, but not try to push things and then we go to bed.  I will admit that it was probably the best nights sleep that I have had in months.  The next day I get called into work.  Not the greatest of timing considering this is one of the issues she had to start with, but I have to go, but promise to be back before she has to go to work herself.  I make it back a bit early even, and we make plans for to get lunch together, and we have another great evening after she gets off work.  I am thinking that things are going well.  I will admit that I could still seem awkward at times, but I figured that was going to be the case so I don't worry.

I have to work Monday, but have the next two days off, so I go back to work, but take a half day so that I can spend some time with her before she has to work.  We go get me some new cloths and we have a lot of fun.  That night when she gets back from work at around 10:30 pm we get started with our usual movie before bed.  About 11:30 she gets a text message from this guy she was supposedly interested in. 

Well, as it turns out the reason that she decided that she wanted to give it another go with me was because she realized that I was with her the whole time that she was in the hospital and stayed by her side while she was trying to get better, and durning this time this guy she was supposedly interested completely blew her off.  He was supposed to come over and see her the night I left and help her out and didn't call her, and gave her some rediculas reason the next day.  So she thought that with me I would always be there for her, and she knew exactly what she was getting.

Well, in the text message that he sent her he said that he was sorry for not being there while she was sick and not coming over, and that he had been sick himself and that is why he didn't come over, and yada yada yada.  Well, she ignores him the first time, but then comes and asks her out.  She shows me everything, and then she doesn't reply to him and says that she just want's to go to bed.  So we go to bed and I can tell that she is really confused.  I ask her what is wrong and what she is going to do about it.  She then asks me what she should do.  She says that if I want that she will tell him no and that she is back with me and that he needs to stop texting her.  Well, I see it like this,  If she has to ask me that then she is saying that is not what she really wants to do.  I tell her that she is going to have to make this decision herself.  She then proceeds to tell me that I am such a friend to her and that she now feels awkward kissing me because she says that it feels like she would be kissing her brother, and that she believes that he was telling her the truth, and that she wants to get to know him better, because if we were together she would always have this big "what if"  hanging over her.  And to be honest I don't want that either. 

The next day she keeps asking me what she should do, and even though I really wanted to tell her to never talk to the guy again, I insist that she needs to make this decision by herself, because she is the one that is going to have to live with it.

Well, she decides that she wants to get to know him better before she commits to us because she knows what we have, and doesn't want to regret anything.  She says that she had no intention of this happening, and that she doesn't want to hurt me, but she has to find out if there could be something between them.  So I cancel all of our plans that we had together and leave.  I take the kids with me because she has to work on the 4th.  And she goes out with this other guy.  So this is where we stand.  Life's a B***H. 

bigchuck1397 bigchuck1397
26-30, M
6 Responses Jul 6, 2007

shes confused to her you her security she can count on you.why in the world would she even reply to that jerk being with you.i would tell her i need time to think about being together.if u have to make her decisions for her its like she cant decide to be with u or with the other guy.

These on-again/off-again relationships are hard on the kids. Until you mentioned them, I thought you were just two adults unable to make a firm decision who are better off apart but when I heard that you have kids, it kind of changed things. Surely for their sake, you could have given her what she wanted and needed to be able to stay, which was assurance of your undying love and loyalty and devotion to her and your relationship, if that really is what you want, which I don't really believe either to be honest. I don't feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for her. I don't think you are an a*** hole or anything but that woman will probably end up on the trash heap alone when her use by date runs out. It seems to be what happens to those of us who, even through no fault of our own, drift and wander in our youth, who dream of perfect love and are never able to find it because of the strength of our driving need. We end up facing old age with spirits sullied and soiled, defiled by the memories of a string of unsuccessful relationships and lost children, psychologically scarred beyond healing by the wounds inflicted in the name of love, wearing the shame of repeated failure like a heavy cloak, carrying the burden of guilt like an invisible weight on our shoulders, our looks withered, our souls destroyed. .

Big guy, <br />
<br />
Your heart is also very big. <br />
She is stil a tinyu little person and needs to grow up.<br />
Let her do it. Go find a nice mature loving woman. <br />
<br />
R

"Like kissing a brother"?!?!? "Wouldn't want a whatif hanging over her"?!?!?! I think you should re-read those two lines you've just written,and do it a couple of times. Read them carefully, and understand what it means. This woman is not attracted to you. She does not respect you. She does not value you. You are not her first choice. You are her back-up in case she can't find anyone better. This is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE. You have two choices. Either you become the man that she wants, instead of the brother-wimp-fallback that you are now. Or you get her out of your life. You've just lost yet another battle with her - you were meant to set boundaries for her. That is what she was asking. Instead, you just gave her permission to put you in LAST PLACE on her preference list. She does not respect you as an equal. She does not respect you as a man. Keep this up, and you are bound for the biggest world of hurt since you last got screwed over by her.

I agree with sasxiv, make sure that you tel her that you do want her to never talk to the guy again, but it is her decision, not yours. Sometimes its nice to hear that you are definitely wanted. I hope everything works out for you.

She may be asking you for confirmation from you that you do want her. You are being way too nice to her - but its your call. tell her what you want - there is nothing wrong with that, be honest and tell her everything. then let her make a decision. If she is still undecided (and some people just have a hard time making decisions) - maybe you should make it for her and see what happens?????