I have been fighting with myself again.
In 2005 I felt the same way. Lost, trapped. I made the decision to go back to school – and really do it. I had nothing to loose, my job sucked, my relationship… crash and burn.
I was ready to reinvent myself.
I went back to school full time – far from “home” I did everything that I had always wanted. Prove to myself that I was more than I could have ever imagined. I made the deans list, met the most amazing girl and just a few short years later graduated with high honors.
That was one of the best times of my life.
It has been nearly a year since that day. And every day since then I have been saying… “I don’t know what to do with my life…”
After school I went back to work as a butcher, just to make some change to get by on while I went job hunting.
Spring is over, no job.
Summer is over, no job.
I thought “don’t get yourself down; this happens to all new grads.”
For a competitive edge I spend 2 months “keeping my mind sharp” and became certified in two technician fields.
Winter is over, no job.
I applied to graduate school and was accepted.
I do not like grad school… I don’t think I am going to stay… why bother?
I have had the same job since I was 16.
After all my effort and education, is this really my life to be?
Sometimes I feel like packing a bag and running away from this. I don’t understand why I am trapped.