My Lame Life

School and work always has been a struggle for me. I am extremely self conscious, quiet and shy. I would skip class if I ever had to share anything in front of class. I would be late to school because I took forever getting ready until I was satisfied with the way I looked. Lot of times if I'm late I just wouldn't go to class because I feel like if I walked in late everyone would look at me. I would skip classes in which made me get into groups and which I never can find a partner or group to be in and it made me look so awkward and stupid and I wouldn't go back. At work especially if it was slow, I'm not the one to go up to others and talk, gossip, and carry on a long conversation. So I just stand in one spot doing nothing, feeling too much of social anxiety to be around other co workers and they just think that I'm spaced out in my own world or I'm not working. I need to be told what to do, I don't have the confidence to make myself at home anywhere or figure things out on my own. So I've always had problems at work. There's never been one where I didn't cry at because of problems I had with other co workers. Anywhere I'm at, I never say a word. I don't know what it is, I can never seem to unfreeze my mind and open my mouth. I just completely go blank, don't know what to say, how to reply them. That's how I am mostly in the beginning and then I just have no choice to stay that way throughout the whole however long I may be there because that's how I'm known as, the quiet, shy girl. It would be weird to suddenly become loud and outgoing. So I could never finish school or keep a job. Right now I'm jobless, I'm just helping out at my parents business couple times a week. And even there I am all alone, by myself. I'm too discouraged to go out of my house and find a job anymore because I know it will be the same, I'll end up going through the same thing and end up quitting and not going after just a few weeks or months. I feel as if I won't be good enough for anything out there, that no one will hire me. How am I suppose to live the rest of my life like this?? I can't stand up to others, I have no confidence in myself, I feel like I get no respect just stepped on. I get so hurt by little criticisms and comments people make about me. I cry so easily. I can never talk back to others, can't stand up for myself, it scares me. These days I'm always stuck at home all by myself doing nothing. I have no friends anymore. What kind of life is this?!

kittiex3 kittiex3
22-25, F
3 Responses Mar 10, 2010

thank you papasnow. im glad that there's someone out there who can relate to what I'm going through. we're feeling the same. good luck to both of us =)

you know based on some of your stories it seems you've kind off got to a place where im at. Im almost convinced at this point that most people in general are mean spirited. I dont think your self conscious, i think like me youve experienced more cruelty from people then compassion. Your comment on a story i commented on recently said you feel every guy is a cheater at some point. i feel the same way about women and men. Except for the fact that i know i have and never will cheat just because i never wanted to be cruel and heartless like most people, you seem to get that so there must be people like us somewhere. But is hard to have faith in that when most people seem to be so cruel. I don't leave the house to much either, and i have the same kinda worries about life and the future too. Why put yourself through it if you dont have to right, i do understand, but im glad theres good people like you out there that rise above it and thats what your doing whether u know it or not.. You dont have to confront it and your not weak your just one of the rare people in this world that wont allow yourself to b brought down to their level,just stay away from the bad and try to keep the good. We just have to find what makes us happy, personally i feel like i might just buy a cabin in alaska away from most people, that way i only have to deal with them when i want lol. It almost feels like my hearts to big for this world nowadays,, and not cold enough

Life is about to learn something. You live, you struggle, you socialize, you develop yourself, that's some of the essence.<br />
Stop thinking about what gonna happen next, stop your anxiety bout your future.<br />
Refresh your moment with something new. Fight your own mind so you can walk among your destiny. You should realize there's a reason behind any problem. Stand up, don't look at your past, don't blame yourself for all the things that already happen.<br />
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Life is never lame.. Be grateful for it and God will bless your day.