I Want To Sleep Forever And Never Wake Up. I'm So Tired.
I am currently 14, a freshman in highschool and I'm already wanting to give up on life. Most of the times i just wish i could fall asleep and never wake up again. I'm not ugly, I'm not dumb, I'm not obese, my lifes not miserable, and i don't have mental issues, but I'm just so tired. Every morning no matter if its a schoolday or the weekend, i never want to wake up. Sometimes i even stay home and hide sleeping under my blanket with the door closed, or behind the closet playing games on my labtop. In school, im not popular but i'm not hated or unknown, just your average girl, thought i am one of those people who take some time choosing clothing because of keeping up with the schools "cool scale". I am not open at all. I never tell my friends anything about my life, or talk to them about my problems because i know thats not what they expect from me. I seem perfectly normal on the outside to them. Same for my parents. They never expect me to be misbehaving and bad at school, which i am a little, so i hide everything. Last marking period, i failed biology because my teacher is horrible, he is and its hard because he can't teach. Other students know it too, and have complained and i've talked to a guidance counseler, but my parents never seem to understand it, so i don't speak of it. I didn't even show them my report card. When i get home, i never feel like doing homework or projects. I'm lazy and i go straight to sleeping. My parents are poor, and money is hard to come and go. I procrastinate alot because i feel so tired and lazy. And than when something is due the next day, i have to rush through it at night, often getting frustrated. I cry and i have bad temper and i get stressed really easily, but in the end mostly i just give up. I get blamed for alot of stuff my brother does and argue back but in the end? i just give up. I know many others have way bigger problems in life, but i really need someone to talk to. Im so very very tired and i give up alot. I don't want to go to school, i don't want to learn, i don't want to do anything other than surviving and talking to my friends. I just want to sleep. The only thing i've ever opened up to a little is to my friends on this game called runescape. Yes, i really have two lives. I perfer to play on my computer, and chat with these good friends from an online video game, that live in different states, without having to see there faces. I find it so much easier. runescape is more like my second life. no one i know in real life, knows about runescape. i've made wonderful friends and even a few boyfriends on this game, and i enjoy playing it. runescape, and sleeping, and eating thats it. im scared runescape might be effecting my grades (not friends, or parents or the fact that im lazy) but i can't really give up on it because its the only place were i can open up to some really good friends who have bigger problems than me. I can tell reading all of this most of you think im fat and ugly. No : honestly, im 5''3 and i'm barely over 100 pounds. I don't feel like doing anything else. i have alot of real life friends that i wish i was and maybe if i were them i could continue. but im not. im just me. a regular, human 14 year old girl, who isn't beautiful, who wishes she was someone else other than myself. because when im being me, i don't want to do nothing honestly.ingswhat t