Post

My Rock...my Strength

May I start by stating that this story is about that one special person in my life.
He is wise beyond his years....for such the short time he has been in my life he has amazed me every step of the way..
From the moment I laid my eyes on him...I knew in my heart he was and is destined to be something special in this life and he has proven that many times over....
Though my life I always said I would never kiss the feet of anyone...but 9 yrs ago ago this person came into my life..
From day one those eyes could stop time...their voice was the sweetest of all....and their touch can melt the coldest of hearts...
This person happens to be my son...and he is 9...He was sent into my life I believe to keep me going..
I have asked myself many times why I have been blessed with such a child....I dont deserve someone like him...
And it makes me feel ashamed that I can not have my life together for him...our roles should be reversed....i should be his rock...his strength...he should run to me....
Just as today for example.....I am not doing the greatest...so I took the day off....he awakes and ask me..."dad, you didnt have to work today..and i said im not feeling well its my stomache"...so i lay back down and he comes in a few minutes later with his hands hidden...and says " i have something for you" and he hands me a home made Get Well soon card...he signed it as well as his cousin and my sons teddy bear signed it.....he lays beside me and says i hope you get better...if you get hungry let me know and i will fix you something to eat like a sandwich..he hugs and kisses me and tell me to rest....
Where in my dna was it programmed to pass that on?
He has been there through some of my darkest days...and i literally owe my life to him...
No- one else knows what I am about to say...not even my son...but a few years ago was probably the darkest days for me...I shut everyone out of my life...i isolated myself...i would work and put my happy face on and go to my apt and hide in the closest...hoping the darkest would hide me from the world...my demons...if i cant see myself then they cant see me either...but i was wrong...they could see me..they found me me in utter darkness...
Begging me to end it all...i had no reason to be here....i wasnt fit...i will never amount to anything....i deserve no-one..the world would be better off without me dragging it down....as i laid in the still darkness...my demons gnawed away more and more with each passing minute....before i realized it....i was laying there with those demon voices echoing in my head literally with the barrel to my head...finger on the trigger....squeezing slowly...waiting for it to make its break....to silent the voices...to end the pain...this is the way my nights were....and each night the trigger was pulled further and further and begging in my head that my son would forgive me for my......each time....i would collapse and awake with my sons picture in my hand...with him smiling at me...surely if not for him i would be nothing more than a statistic....
Is my life better today? No it isnt....are the demons gone...no they arent but their voices are mostly faint whispers...
Thank you my son!!!!
Should a parent rely on their child for this sort of support...probablg not....
I wonder if some day all this is going to be detrimental to him..
I doubt i ever tell him about my dark periods
I owe you my life son and i would give it in an instant to protect you....You have so much to offer this world..please dont change...you are a blessing from Heaven..
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF
SingleDad40 SingleDad40 41-45, M 6 Responses Feb 20, 2012

Your Response

Cancel

I did something very similar 16 years ago. My three little girls saved me. I haven't chased the darkness since then, although it still flickers every now and again.

oh my god...i've never been moved to tears by a post before....thank you so much...you're a very lucky man

Yes...i am a lucky man..he is laying here beside me now...sound asleep...so peaceful...I am sorry my story made you cry...he has truly saved me...i believe that i am not the one who gave him life but it is him that gave life to me...thank you again and thank you for reading

Thank you for sharing your story. This story touched my heart and made me cry. Your son is only 9? Wow, he sounds so mature for his age. I guess kids raised in single parent homes have a lot more wisdom than most. You have a wonderful father-son relationship that many others only wish to have. Life is hard for you but I'm glad your son is your saving angel.

Thank you very much

this is a beautiful story. i have relied on my children as well. they kept me going. you have a beautiful son. that is a great thing.

My son saved my life too. 20 years ago. He's the best person in the world.

Beautiful. Thank you for posting. I believe, in many ways, our children are a way to reclaim youth in a sense, they can teach us all of the things that we have forgotten, or take for granted. My daughter can stare at a flower and be amazed by it. I love those moments. (hugs)