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My boyfriend's best friend of 17 years died last night.
How am I supposed to be there for someone who's best friend just died yesterday?
Am I supposed to give him space?
Am I supposed to call him or text him more often to show I care?
Am I supposed to call... or do I just text him?
I don't know.
I can't... don't have any words to make it better, because there aren't any that will bring his best friend back.
I'm selfish though. I'm probably the worst girlfriend ever.
I don't want our relationship to be affected because of this.
I don't want him to push me away. I still want him to talk to me.
I still want him to communicate with me.
How can I ask these things when his best friend just died?
How am I thinking these things? I don't want to ask too much of him too soon.
I feel like I am competing with his friend who just died, and I know I shouldn't think that way.
I want him to grieve, but I want to be the one he grieves with. I don't want him to push me away.
I want to be here for him. I feel horrible for what he's going through.
How am I supposed to be there for him when he doesn't want anyone to be there for him?
I'm afraid... afraid the death of his friend is the beginning of the death of our relationship.

Please, don't judge me. I wouldn't consider myself a horrible person, but I feel like one right now.