What Should I Do?

On the 19th of May, three things are happening. My boyfriends band are playing, my mate is renewing her wedding vows then going back to the local pub which I love and my cousin is having her hen night. Originally, I was going to go the the wedding renewal then back to the pub because my boyfriend is going there after his gig and he doesn't mind that I am not going (it's an acoustic night which really isn't my thing) so he said he would just meet me at the pub. However, I found out the other day that my cousin is having her hen night Saturday too which would have been cool to go to but it's up Birmingham and she's going to go to all the night clubs. The thought of night clubs scare me, not because they're dangerous or anything but because there are so many people there and my cousin will be with all of her mates and I simply don't fit in with them. They are thin, girly and beautiful while I am fat, ugly and only wear black. I won't fit in with anyone at the nightclubs and the thought of them is making me panic. Just the thought of being surrounded by all those people and being the most ugliest one if the group just makes me want to cry, I just cannot go through with it. I know that I will end up having a panic attack on the night and just ruin it for everyone but I feel like I cannot talk to her about it because she will just simply say 'ohh you'll be alright, it will be a good laugb blah blah blah', but the thing is she doesn't understand, she has never had confident issues like I have. I am so scared of being out in public, it's such a massive issue for me. I don't mind the Hollybush pub where I was planning on going because I work there and know everyone there and know that they don't judge me and just generally feel safe there unlike if I was going to the night clubs.

I know I have to talk to her about it because she really is expecting me to come because I can't go to her wedding as it's abroad which I cannot afford and that's another thing, the nightclubs up Birmingham are going to be expensive, they're going to go on a nightclub crawl basically and you have to pay to get in all of them whereas the Hollybush pub is dead cheap. Would I be a bad person if I didn't and continued to go to my mates wedding renewal and the pub afterwards? Please don't judge me, I suffer with bad anxiety and find it hard to go to places which is over crowded with people I do not know. I even find is hard a university but I have mates there so they calm my anxiety down a bit. I am shaking now with just the thought of going to nightclubs. I'm still stuck on a stupid waiting list to see a counsellor too so it's not like I can get help any time soon.

What do you think and what should I do? She's seriously not the type of person who would understand, she believes that because she's going to have a brilliant time, everyone else will too but that simply ain't the case with me. I haven't got anything against her, I wouldn't mind if she was going on a bar crawl around Darlaston (a town where she lives) because it's quieter and I know more people. I know going to nightclubs are much more fun for a hen night than a simple pub but I cannot go and I just hope she doesn't stop talking to me because of it.

Please don't judge me and just try to understand from my point of view.
BeautyOfSuffering BeautyOfSuffering
26-30, F
1 Response May 8, 2012

hi,<br />
u need to solve the anxiety first, u are the one knows the cause or at least u're experiencing it.<br />
then u can be calm to manage another things u want<br />
yes, u need to let her know about what makes u worry (although u said she wont understand it), hope she will understand it<br />
good day!

Hi, I told her in the end and like I said, she didn't understand and she kicked off saying that all I care about is myself and that I'm am attention seeker this that and the other. Don't you just love family?