Stuck

So I have this weird thing, where I automatically act like a different person when I'm around people. It's something rooted really deeply within me though, because i don't just act differently, i think and feel differently too. I literally have no control over it. I basically hide all my true emotions when I'm like that. There have been times when I've been depressed and someone has asked if I'm alright, and suddenly I am and I assure them I'm fine, but then as soon as they're gone, I'm depressed again and haven't been able to talk about it anyone. It happens when I'm feeling really happy or excited too. I'll be really excited to see someone, and as soon as i do, I'm no longer excited, I'm just nothing. The problem with this is that it makes it really hard for anyone to know me, or for me to be close to anyone. So I get very depressed thinking that no one will ever love me because no one knows the real me. The only loop hole I've found is that, it doesn't happen as much when I'm talking to someone indirectly like texting or over the internet. Does anyone have a similar problem like this or have any advice?
voomoo voomoo
18-21, M
1 Response Jan 23, 2013

I can totally understand this because when I was your age I was the same way. It's a knee jerk reaction that stems from not having enough confidence in yourself and who you are so you try to adapt to situations or people by becoming whatever or whoever it is you think you should be. It's a sort of survival instinct that's really counter intuitive to what you should do which is just be yourself. I know that's hard though because when you're young you don't really have that figured out yet. The best advice I can give you is to stop feeding the fear you have of who you are not being good enough and to stop being this other person that you think people want or expect you to be. It's not doing anything good for your self-esteem or for other people if you keep pretending. It's only going to make you more miserable and people may not be as blind as you think they are to this other self that you're projecting. Just be honest with yourself and other people. If people ask you if you're alright and you're not say you're not tell them why you're upset. That's how you get close to people by letting your guard down and letting pieces of yourself come out. The further you sink into yourself the harder it is to come out and the more stressful it becomes to keep up a facade. You'll never really know who you're true friends are until you open yourself up. It's not easy but the more you start telling the truth the more comfortable you are with yourself and the less afraid you are.