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Im Really Torn

My wife and i seperated back in july. The reasons are'nt really important suffice to say it was pretty much all my fault. I do pray every night that we can fix things. i love her complety. I am a recovering addict, what im recovering from is'nt important either. I will say i have allmost five months clean though. Any way i met this girl in my home group and we have become very close. She has helped me with my recovery more times than i can count. My sponser and her were the first two people to come up to me at my first ever meeting. She has been there with and for me every step of the way. i can tell her things that i cant even tell my sponser yet. We are allmost allways togeather. we are constantly playing and joking togeather. We go to breakfast, dinner, or walk on the beach. Sometimes i will stay over at her house with her, never in the same bed though.

 The other day my wife came to me and told me she had a real problem with the amount of time i spend with this girl. She said that in her opinion it was as if me and this girl were dating. That is not how i see it. I have no romantic emotions for this women at all. Once my wife explained how it made her feel, i was able to see that even though nothing was going on it may have been wrong to spend so much time with her. The problem now is my wife would like me to cut ties with this girl. I can see her point but this girl is as much resposable for my recovery as i am. What kind of friend would i be if i did that. then again what kind of man would i be if i kept seeing this girl knowing how it makes my wife feel. i do love her and would never hurt her intentionaly. Once again i've got myself inanother fine mess

str8edge757 str8edge757 36-40, M 3 Responses May 22, 2009

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str8edge... I admire your willingness to do the right thing, <br />
VERY much. Humility lets us love others fully.<br />
There is no doubt in my heart that Heavenly Father can and will assist you in every moment of your recovery. There will be no moment you will be alone, in need of this other woman. Your needs will always be taken care of... I believe this to be an huge opportunity for you to walk by faith, and you will recieve the blessings. <br />
You can declare in prayer,"Father, I thank you for giving me chance to overcome this addiction. I thank you for the Gift of the Holy Ghost, who will always calm my troubled heart. Thank you for a companion who knows me, and loves me tenderly... who strives to encourage me to greater heights. Please inspire me to know and do what meets her desires. Thank you that we can meet each other's needs and live in perpetural spiritual harmony. And thank you for this trial, please use it to bless other's lives. Let me be an example of love to all. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen." or a little somethin like that...<br />
God be with you this and every moment. Thanks for being an example of a humble man, willing to change to save his marriage. You are an example to many.<br />
I too overcame addiction in my life. I know you are, you will.

thank you both. thats why i love this place you get real and honest insight without the feel good b.s. i started recovery after we split up, but nonetheles you are right i love my wife and see now how i disrespected her and will stop spending time outside of recovery with her

Your wife should be the most important person in your life. The person whom shared your recovery too. If you are attached to the girl - then go. But don't disrespect your wife. She has been with you through a lot - show her the respect she deserves. If you can't break it off with someone who helped you then maybe you should let your wife go and let her find the love she deserves. Plus addiction shares addiction. Your wife will never be able to compete with the girl. She didn't go through your recovery as an addict - she went through your recovery as your wife. People who stay with addicts through recovery deserve the utmost respect and admiration. She could have just left - she didn't. Obviously she loves you. Giving your emotional affection to another isn't really fair to your wife - now is it. Do what's right to save your marriage. Or leave your wife. There really isn't middle ground here.