These days idk what's going on but I don't think it's normal....I've always been a very kind girl who always liked to put others first and always enjoyed seeing people happy,helping them and treating everyone as I would treat myself. Although some people would always hurt me...I would still be kind to them.
But something in me changed ever since I met this....boy. I'm kinda weird when it comes to falling in love. It takes months for me to fall in love with someone. The first thing I noticed on him is his personality. I liked him as a friend a lot. He's this kind of a guy that's funny, wise and silly at the same time. He's favourite in our group(I live in a small place where there are about 30 kids and we all hang out together every day since we were toddlers. We're all Bffs) Anways later I found out that him and I have a lot of things in common. At first I just wanted to be his little sister....I still do though .....it's just that there is this rage inside of me when I see another girl approach him. I stared hearing voices in my head that are trying to convince me into doing terrible things to make him MINE FOREVER. There are thoughts like: Voice:"oh look, that girl is suspicious....what if he falls in love with her?....and you'll just stand there, disappointed again, not doing anything?! Listen to me I'll help you! you'll make her understand the pain you've been feeling all along *counts horrible things I could do with amazing tactics of no one finding out*" There are times that I just start laughing like a maniac and I can't stop myself. Once when I was looking at him my friend asked me am I okay cause she said I was twitching my eye......When we're talking about eyes, my eye colour kinda changed.....It was hazel.....now it's aqua grey.
I got to the point where I know every single detail about some of his friends in his home town.(don't know how did I do that) I forgot to mention that he doesn't live here but comes often for every winter, spring and summer break. Sometimes I feel something else taking control of my body and mind. It's like a love sick bipolar side that's paranoid and would literally do anything just to get to her goal.I don't know what is this but I don't think I'll be able to function with it much longer. If anyone knows what should I do please help me.
YumeHikari YumeHikari
16-17, F
Nov 7, 2015