I Can't Seem To Get Into A Relationship, As Much As I Want To.

I've dated once. I had my first boyfriend freshman year... Actually a yer ago exactly. November 29th, 2011. I fell in love, we lasted for 6 months. He dumped me on our 6th month by just not talking to me at all... Eh, needless to say it ended badly & unmutually. Worst depression I had gone through in my life. (If you've read my other story, you'd know how bad I was.) Yeah, it hurt amazingly bad...

Anyways, since our breakup in May I have not dated. I have liked guys, but I have not dated. I keep trying things out & I just can't get it right.

For instance, I liked this guy recently. :) We were good friends, & he really was handsome & nice & funny & caring. We talked for 2 or 3 weeks & then we kissed. We were good. We basically were in a relationship but when he brought it up... I wanted nothing to do with it... I was just not feeling it. I said I didn't want to be more than friends... So we went seperate ways but we're still good friends. He really is amazing. I just, couldn't?

A little more while back, & this guy asked me to homecoming. He was a great guy. He met my parents & I met his, because we were that good of friends. I went over to his house often & even spent a holiday with him. His family loved me & m family loved him. Weird. So then one day he says he really likes me. & I smile. But I avoided it all. I couldn't. I don't know why. He was perfect for me & my dad really approved... He could take care of me & my heart & I knew it but... then I felt like I also "knew" that my first love would.. So I denied it all & my feelings for him.

Then yesterday, a guy who is so sweet & has never had a girlfriend & is so shy, never been kissed, told me he liked me. & I was like wow. What do I do. He'd be perfect for me! .. I ended up avoiding all my feelings. All of it. AGAIN.

I really want a relationship. I want someone who will treat me good & all that. But why can't I just say yes for once? Why am I ignoring all of my feelings as of late & not letting myself be happy with someone?
dontletmego dontletmego
18-21, F
Nov 29, 2012