Why Do I Say Hurtful Things

i was feeling lonely, and yes probably a little sorry for myself on the weekend, i'd also had a couple glasses of wine, so my mood was in fine form *sigh*. my boyfriend called and i proceeded to tell him that i didn't know if i'd made the right decision being with him, didn't know if i should be in a relationship, that i have a pattern of getting bored with people after awhile (which i do) a rotten trait that i wish i could throw out with the garbage!!! i also told him that i was vain and im usually attracted to extremely good looking people!!!!*gasp* what was i doing?????????? it's like some alien form took over my mind and mouth and made all these hidious things come out. i just talked to him on the phone, the pain in his voice was horrible to listen to. i also saw him last night and i tried to make ammends, but how do you do that? he had tears in his eyes. yes i'm going to beat myself up for this one, because i deserve it.  if i lose this wonderful, one a kind gentle soul, it will be only part of the emotional beating that i deserve. he hung up on me, so just waiting for the dreaded phone call.  i feel like crap. why don't i have a stop button on my **** mouth....
prettyinpink prettyinpink
46-50, F
7 Responses Jun 25, 2007

I undestand. Maybe try creating the life you want for yourself. Don't depend on him to define you. Ask for what you need. If he is not exciting enough, create your own excitement in a healthy way. Find out about you. Your priorities in life. Are they healthy choices etc.<br />
What are you looking for, why do you need it. etc.<br />
Sorry, just a ramble. Unsure if I make sense myself as I am still trying to figure out what makes me tick.<br />
Cass

p.i.p., i've got to agree with these comments. i'm unable to disagree. the letter is a FINE idea and one i think you should attempt. write it and hold onto it for 24 hours. then rewrite it. the only thing i can suggest beyond this is to work on your communication skills. when something bothers you you must immediately assess what it is. you need to ponder on it for 24 hours prior to saying anything. many times i find that my initial 'culprit' was only a trigger to what was truly upsetting me and if i didn't think about it for at least 24 hours and no more than 72 hours i'd never get to the bottom of it and be griping about something unrelated and most times something silly. you need to take this opportunity and decide what it is you are willing to overlook for the sake of 'wonderful.' personally looks are important, as i'm shallow like that, BUT they are not THAT important especially when you've found someone wonderful in every other way. now if you come to realize you and this man simply are not going to work out in the long run, for whatever reason - shallow or not, perhaps what you did is for the best. a lil more advice? ... in the future, i'd ignore the phone (other than kids calling to tell me where they are, etc.) after a couple glasses of wine. at least until the 'buzz' wears off... lol silly girl! don't beat yourself up too badly. it's obviously something you've been supressing for some time now.

You know, unless you said these things deliberately to hurt him, and in a way that was hurtful, it sounds more like you had an attack of brutal honesty. Alcohol inspires that from time to time. If you want to remain with him, then what you now have is a bridge of honesty to build from. Sometimes being able to speak the unvarnished, plain truth to someone is an incredibly powerful thing. And if you don't want to be with him, then he know has the benefit of something that few of us get - a honest and genuine reason as to why you don't want to be with him. If this has caused a serious rift though, I suspect that NOW is the time for you to decide about your relationship and to commit to whatever decision you make and act on it.

"...Sometimes we put up walls-not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down."

Hi Pretty. Oh Honey Bunney - we are all guilty of that one. Slacker is exactly right re why. I as well don't communicate well when I should, it build and build and I say nothing - it may only be the smallest issue but because I've not said anything at all it builds and escalates inside me and then its out and I'm mortified and shocked by how cruel I've been. Like both comments already given its usually to people we do care about rather than just acquaintances, probably because we know we can be ourselves around them. I've been cruel as you know to my mum in the past and always take my problem out with her when she is always the one tr;ying to help me. My "friend" Paul has also been the brunt of my harsh words but like Marjis husband has the maturity (I sometimes think it shows a lack of maturity on my side!) to see beyond it and makes me feel even worse by telling me to talk to him about these things rather than let things escalate. I hope and think your boyfriend will understand - the thing to remember is that you would have been upset also if it was the other way around. I'd maybe write to him if you can because sometimes its easier for us people who maybe do not communicate best verbally (I'm definately one of them) to put pen to paper as the thoughts flow better and you can let him know how much you appreciate him and that its actually a sign you do really care for him( sounds ironic but he might appreciate it) that you hurt him as you would not even have bothered to say all that if you didn't care. Am I making any sense??<br />
I'm guessing you probably felt a little underappreciated in general ( not just by him) but he was the easiest target to take it out on. Tell him that too - he'll understand.<br />
Big hug Pretty - cheer up.

Well, if you are anything like me; sometimes when people start to get to close I just have to drive them away. It isn't there fault and I don't realize I'm doing it.

Sounds to me like the wine just gave you the bravery to say how you're TRUELY feeling deep down. Yes, it may be hurtful, but how much more damaging can it become in the future if you resent staying with him.