Disney Or Bust !

How did I end up here, on the "Expereince Project" , of all places??  Let me see..., I Googled, "What to do with the rest of my life", and somehow ended up here.

 I am a very private, guarded person on a good day, so today, must not be a good day, because, even these few words written, for me, are quite revealing!

 I am tired.  I am tired or sick of trying.  I've been there, done that.  Sick of letting myself down.  Tried it all before.  prayed, meditated, fought hard, "never give up"  "keep on trying"  "you can do it".

 At some point, u start to feel like a clown.  I feel like an old clown.  The mask that has served me well is giving out.  The number one, RA RA coach (for the rest of the world & myself) is giving up. 

 IT is easier to sleep.  not be hard on myself, just kind of go with it...

if not for my kids, it would be easy just to exist on this mattress, as my husband sleeps on the couch in the living room.

~Even given up on anger. Too much work.  Easier to agree to disagree.  Wish I could find 10,000 $, get in the car, with the kids and just drive.  Yep, right to Disney World.  The place of happiness and hope and dreams.

heyitsMEagain heyitsMEagain
41-45, F
4 Responses Feb 22, 2010

Well, um, thank u for commenting on my post. Thank u for saying hi and welcome. It does not come easy, but sure is nice to possibly have a place to open up safely, and share...

Yes indeed!

And if good and kind and understanding people don't cut it with you, there's always some jackassery going on just for fun.

Its a sad but all too familiar story around here. The good news is there are a lot of good and kind and understanding people here. Maybe it'll help, maybe it won't. Anyway, I just thought I'd say hi and welcome.