A Time Of Struggle

Ok so a little about me, I'm writing this as I hope it will help me through.

exactly 1 year ago on Fri my marriage ended- i had suspected there was someone else involved for some time & couldnt proove it. Anyway my partner went & i was devastated.

It was as I sat alone that night that I decided I was a failure- my life had ended- i took as many pills as I could find & waited for the end to come. The next thing I recall is the ambulance- the sirens, My children with me. My child had saved my life- my partner knew what had happened but I heard nothing untill the sunday. I was told he had found somewhere to live so lucky that a woman had taken him in with no cash etc..

Of course I knew it was lies- what woman would take inm a strange man after 1 meeting. but he told a good tale & I listened over the coming months he was at work less but regular come to see me- taking me out, staying at the house going away for weekends & promising above all else that in the end he would be back with me & the kids.

He showed me proof of rental for his home & insisted I couldnt have the address because he didnt want problems. In the end his address was given to me by mistake, he admitted that he was now living with a woman & had moved from his rental home for financial reasons. He couldnt decide who he wanted me or the other woman?

He kept insisting that they had seperate rooms- but that they indeed had a sexual relationship. He promised that all would be well in the end.

so just before the new year something was said to me that made me suspiscious so I went to the address & met the other woman. He had infact been seeing her for over 2 years & had moved out to live with her- she didnt know he had been seeing me- she thought he had no contact with me whatsoever.

I found out so many things that made me realise that this wasnt the man I knew & loved- he had stolen over £7000 from friends & family & had lost his job- he had nothing except this woman left.

I couldnt speak to him or even look at him. so since then I have had to change my number as the other woman got it & text abuse & threats to me. over 200 texts in a short time.

So I thought life was over untill recently I met a new man who seemed to be perfect- i should no there is no such thing, he told me he thought I was great & that he had been alone for so long he couldnt believe how lucky he was to have found me. we spoke every day for hours on end & then we finally got together, we seemed to get on so well & he was so loving that I let myself believe him & gave in to my needs, after this we seemed to be together everyday. but 5 days later he text me to say that we were moving to fast & wanted to back off- he didnt want to see me for a few days.He told me not to worry he wanted to be my partner but that we were going to fast.

No explanation just that having thought about it we were rushing into things- he had told me he cared for me, wanted to be with me Had asked me if  i wanted to stay at his house & if maybe he could stay at mine. Said that he missed me when I wasnt with him etc.. I was stupid to believe it but feel so alone. Anyway had visits from my ex in laws all weekend who acted as if I was still married to their son & that all was fine, then this text & now it is the anniversary of our split- overall I just feel that my life is over. I dont think I will ever be happy again as the wotld is full of ***** who lie & cheat their way to you affections.

thanks for reading & if no-one minds i'm going to pop back everyday to jot a few things down.

whendoesitend whendoesitend
36-40
Mar 15, 2010