I Wish I Could Be Who I Want To Be

So many people believe that they are different but the truth is I think I am the most different of them all. I am almost 24 years old, never had a boyfriend in my life, never kissed a guy, never slept around, never been to a club, never gotten really drunk, etc. I am the type of girl who likes clean fun. I love the simple things. I have always been this way and it is more than a challenge. I can't even be my true self cause I am not able to express myself because I never get to be in the situations that I want to be in. I just tend to stay quiet on my own because I am so different.

Apparently what I want out of life is just impossible for me. I would like to have one good guy in this world, get married and have children but this will never happen. So I just have to spend the rest of my life feeling this way. I hate it and it just upsets me. There are so many unfaithful people out there who get to date but I would be faithful 100% but I can't even get a chance. There are so many people who murder their children, abuse their children, abort their children before they are even born or when they are born. It makes me sick. I am not a "HOT" girl but I am attractive. I am 110 pounds, long dark hair, ethnic, a little over 5"4 but I guess that is not good enough. I guess guys only want women with huge boobs. I do get guys who are interested in me but they are not who I want at all. The majority of guys only care about looks which I can't understand at all. People's looks will change but a person's personality stays. So many people say that their partner was unfaithful but that is because a lot of the time they choose their partner mainly on looks. Of course not everybody chooses looks alone but I feel that is all they care about.

So who the hell am I? I know I am a good person. I would treat a guy like a King, but I have never been close enough to a guy to even ever attempt in treating them that way. I would be a great mother too but I am sure nobody cares either. This site use to help me but not anymore. I think this may be my last story cause I can't take this garbage anymore.
skydancer24 skydancer24
26-30, F
5 Responses Jan 21, 2012

I understand ur situation even i am 23, never had a girlfriend, never hang out with friends, always stayed alone. I don't have anyone to share my feelings with or i can say that i don't know how to.. I am a shy nature guy who afraid of talking to people first especially with girls.. I don't understand why i am like this but i can't change myself.. I'll be like this all my life.. I wish my life would be normal,but i am a weirdo.. I just wish my life would end soon..

you sound so pure hearted and unfortunetly many people fear purity only because it will make them feel dirty, try friendships with guys u like to date and even u get hooks on looks then comes attitude. <br />
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Befriend guys you would like to date and see if its realy your type,my guess is you were looking @ rong guys for you hence u are this age and still single unless if its by choice.<br />
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Dont give up.

I understand completly what you are going through. I'd love to say that everything will work out ect ect.<br />
But I have the same problems as you in that aspect. All I can say is keep moving forward, TRY not to dwell on the past, all that does is make you bitter. Not to others, but to yourself. It doesnt help to think about how lonely this world is. Keep hope even if it is hollow, better then nothing right? Or atleast thats what I tell myself. You will go on, because thats all you can do. My heart really does go out to you, I just wish this world wasnt so twisted upon itself fo both our sakes.

I do not know what to say! I never have a boyfriend too. I think i can understand your feeling. Love seems so far for me.

You just not find the right guy who treat you like a queen, yet. Keep looking, and keep believe in love, he'll come to your life by surprise :)