Not Myself Anymore

You are so very young sweetie. But let me tell you something, I understand you because not only was I where you are right now but I'm still there at 46. Please get help as quickly as possible because depression gets worse and sometimes never goes away. I really understand what you are going through. Being a teenager is hell enough and with a cloud of depression over you all the time just can make life unbearable.

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. It sounds like you are dissatisfied with yourself and can't get away from this depression because the things you do and say everyday are the things that you aren't happy with. I'm sure there are some if not many other factors contributing to your depression but this seems like one of the main ones. I can't say I can relate because I am not you. I can say that I have been feeling increasingly disappointed with who I have become lately and almost feel like I am letting my past self down. That is how I found your page here. It really sucks because we should be happy with who we are, don't you think? It sounds to me like you are a great person and you just want to try to do good in your life but you feel like you aren't doing that so well anymore. I just want you to know how special you are. Not everyone monitors their actions so closely to be a better person. I can tell you are nice and good willed because you pay such close attention to who you are. I don't know a lot, and I hate giving advice because really, like what makes me have enough knowledge and experience to tell you anything? haha we're the same age! But if you truly are looking for an outside opinion, I would just say to firstly; get those important people back into your life. It can be so hard to talk to people normally and to act like a happy go lucky person when this is all going on in your head 24/7 for soooo long, but just having those special people there might help a lot, if anything, just to distract you from your problems. If you don't like how you act in front of people as part of your problem, then maybe staying close to those people is also a good thing because you can start to make an attempt and changing how you act in front of them (that is kind of my problem in a way). And secondly, (and I know how stereotypical it is to say this but) just breathe. Sometimes, when I am in a real dark place, just laying in bed and breathing and contemplating how I want to be better today helps a lot. It makes me focus on what I want to change about myself. Anyways, I hope you can find a way to start mitigating all of this. It seems to me like life is a tough ride but completely worth it when you play your cards right, but then again, I have no clue I'm only 19! I hope one day we can meet as people who love who we are! Much love, Jamie.

I know how you feel waking up and really feeling like there is nothing out there for you. Maybe something that can help you is something I have realized. Before I went to bed I was tring to find a quote or something to help me get up in the morning and then it dawned on me! The only thing making life so miserable is myself. I was having terrible days because I was making them terrible not letting anything but negativity consume me. You just have to keep searching until some things make sense

I know what it is like to want to end it all. Some mornings I wake up and wish I could just go back to sleep and never have to wake up again. I wish that I could end it all but im to scared to. Im too scared God will never forgive me and I'm scared that if I end it that the day I did, it could have become the best day in my life. I still have hope but its fading. Im afraid when that hope is gone I know what will happen... I want to disappear too. But dont give up hope yet... Try to fight one more day, everyday, like I am. Dont loose it all hun...