I Leave In Hell

Just want to let you know that my mum has lived now 16 years with hiv and also an eating disorder. It's been a rough road but I think she's had only 2 serious hospitalizations and one was related to her asthma the second was when she stopped her meds and stopped eating at the same time. My advice to you would be to take it by the balls now and make it give you a purpose to fight harder. Research the illness and medications talk to as many professionals/alternative routes (there are vast alternatives some scams some not). But the sooner you start getting a hold on it the the less chance it has of taking a hold on you. Sorry if that sounds cheesy but it is true. I really wish you the best. It's an awful thing to have happened to you but its not your fault you've obviously come out of a hard background (bit like myself) and those of us who do generally have a harder time getting by in life. Some don't make it because we don't come up as prepared and screw things up for ourselves but some do. And I'm telling you now is not the time to give up! If you need to talk there's loads of people here willing to listen. The best of luck in the near future. Sending you love and light, hang in there!!

I'm here

You must network in the area where you live to find other HIV+ people, a support group. Google "HIV Support (your zip code)". I hope you're getting your condition managed by going to a clinic and taking the medication you're prescribed. It's not the immediate death-sentence it used to be. Nowadays people can live for decades by managing the condition.
God bless you and I wish you all the best.

I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis, and I won't pretend to imagine what it is like to live with that cloud over your head. Yes, you may have made a mistake that contributed to your current situation, but there are thousands of people out there that have done much worse. And, yes, this disease has serious implications that will affect your future, but that does not mean that you can't find some meaning in life, or some hope and peace.

Have you been to counseling to deal with this? Have you joined a support group, or an online forum so you can talk to other people who are going through what you are going through now? Are you getting medical treatment to make sure that you're as healthy as you can be? It sounds to me like you may have depression. Please understand..I am not saying that it's unreasonable to be unhappy or very worried about your current condition. However, depression can make any chance at hope or health seem too remote to try and find, and the problems of your life seem much worse. Good luck.