Some Advice I Feel So Alone

 

Im 22yrs old and have hit rock bottom. I left college at 19 and thought I fell in love with a guy who I soon became engaged too. He emotionally abused me banning me from talking to my friends or family when I was at home and always putting on the perfect couple act whenever we went out to social events along with calling me named and telling me I was fat when he was aware I suffered from anorexia at 17. My parents spent thousands of pounds on the perfect wedding and soon I realised I didn't love him and needed out. I tried to call it off two weeks before but to see some of the closest people to me so upset I was filled with guilt and went ahead with it. I turned to drinking alot and lost a lot of weight. 3months after the wedding however I finally realised I had to get out
and crashed on peoples sofas to eventually he left my house July 2011. At this point I had just turned 21. I met a friend who I knew bk from being a kid and reunited a small flame he really pulled me through he was in the navy so when he was away it gave me the time I needed to myself but when he was bk it was brilliant I gained small amount of esteem and stopped drinking and put on a stone bringing me back to a UK 8. He left the navy last June and we moved in to a new house together in July 2012. I found out during the first part of our relationship he had been flirting with other girls sending dirty messages and photos of him ( and of me to his mates :/) i was devasted and told him it was over got in the car and drove off at 2am he ran 5miles through town bare foot looking for me and phoned my mobile 50x leaving me 20 answer phone messaged begging me not to leave him. I figured he had not physically cheated on me just been very stupid and he hadn't done anything since we moved in together so went home in the aim to forgive him. Now Jan 2013 i still feel hurt even tho he's making every effort he can telling me he loves me 5x a day saying as soon as im divorced he wants to marry me buying me flowers and calling me constantly, he's got rid of his phone email and Facebook and changed everything to proove to me i can trust him. But im struggling so much to learn to trust him again. I've already had my heart smashed twice im terrified of it happening again. I have the urge to drink again and i feel like i have completely lost myself. I have anxiety attacks and just cry randomly and have lost all self esteem. Can some please give me some advice please. Im sorry this has been such a long message.

beau90 beau90
22-25
Jan 22, 2013