My reflection in the mirror can see right through me. She knows that my smile is forced and my heart is breaking inside. She can tell that I walk faster than normal, trying to avoid everything around me. She catches me dreaming sometimes, imagining what the world would be like if I wasn't scared of everything. She looks at my nails bitten down to the core from being so nervous all the time. My thoughts run a mile a minute and never stop. No matter how hard I try to block out reality, it always seems to cast a shadow over me that I cannot escape from. I used to be a fearless competitor who burned through life with a fiery passion. I loved with all I had and fought for what I believed in. One fatal mistake turned me into a shy, introverted girl who is afraid of her own reflection. I lie to myself all the time that I will go back to how I used to be, but I know that will never happen. I have been through too much, discovered parts of myself that I didn't even were in me. My passion turned to anger and my perseverance became guilt. I blamed everyone I loved for how I became. I blamed myself for being too weak and I was right. I couldn't handle being in this world anymore. Now I'm just learning to live my life and not just survive. I'm slowly sparking the flame inside myself and will stoke it until that fire burns inside me once again. Sticks and stones might break my bones, but no one else's words but my own could ever hurt me. I am my own bully and only I can save myself from self- destruction.
GetYourFreakOn GetYourFreakOn
18-21, F
Aug 30, 2014