Half Angel Half Rebel

I was born into a very Christian home. Church every Sunday, prayers before eating all that. The words butt, fart and poop were "cuss words". At age 9 we moved to pa, at age 13/14 I met Amy. She was a year younger and the complete opposite of me. Within 3year I had started cussing, by age16 I had started drinking(lightly), and occasionally smoking. At 19 I started adding sex, and theft (nothing expensive) to the mix.
Now I can out drink most ppl, I have a tattoo, and cuss like a sailor.
I'm torn I don't know who I am. On one hand I really miss being the good little angel I use to be, but I love my outspoken take no **** attitude.
ttlisaof2 ttlisaof2
31-35, F
3 Responses May 7, 2012

what you just wrote up there, is a desc<x>ription of my childhood. Except 16 was when it all went down hill. Were you're parents pretty strict? We couldn't listen to "secular" music, only christian music, they wouldn't allow us to watch the simpsons or buffty the vampire sla<x>yer. Oh, and my mom would yell at me like I had just cussed when I said "dog gone it!" I've felt like I've never really known my identity...or I have but somewhere I lost it. I've finally decided, tattoos are not bad, and am getting one this weekend:) I've always wanted one but denied myself of getting one for fear I wouldn't fit the mold of what others expect of me.

Yeah poop and butt was cussing it was guckies and bottom. Now it's shi* and a** lol

haha! same here...although I still try not to cuss.

That is the absolutely amazing thing about being human. Instead of programming us to be robots, (I believe) God created us with the right to choose. The choices come without guarantees. Being good (angelic) doesn't mean only good comes to our lives. Being wicked doesn't mean that only bad things come our way. Among our choices is how we respond to what has happened in the past. We can let it define us or launch us. We can also choose our response to everything that happens in the future. We are not robots, we are autonomous beings. <br />
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If drinking, cussing and easy sex were not great fun no one would find them desirable. If singing hymns and choruses did not put our minds in a good place, no one would sing them. Sometimes there are those of us who like to sing the hymns and songs and choruses on Sunday and then spend time being naughty online or in person. They say you can't have it both ways, but both do have their appeal. For girls, sometimes the appeal comes at different "times of the month" and for guys the appeal just seems sort of random, buy may be somewhat cyclical. <br />
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Each day, look at the stuff of your life. What works? What doesn't. Stop doing the things that don't work. If there are some things that seem to work at the time, but leave you in pain later, that is a sign to make different choices, too. <br />
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How much of your rebellion are you glad for and enjoy? How much of it is painful and sad? Same with the angelic side? Many experience a lot of sadness as angels and seem like they got a raw deal...they were good and life wasn't. Find your sources of joy and enjoy them.

We define yourself by your current actions. They define who you are. The past and future no longer exist.

But our past is what has molded us to what we are now. And the effects of our upbringing will follow us for life. We can overcome them, if we know how. but that is easier said than done.

Yes. But in the present we can redefine ourselves at any moment. Break from anything we wish. Faith.....is the greatest power. Not faith in a higher force...but a faith in who we are our becoming to be. :-)