Suffering For No Reason

I know how people percieve me. They assume Im reasonably happy, always got something to do and somewhere to go. They assume Im pretty confident hence the fact I can make friends easily and generally talk to anyone. Not many see me as a horrible person. A few of them suspect I have something wrong in the head, but choose to ignore thier suspision becuase after all they dont know me that well.

I had a fight with my bestfriend a few hours ago. She told me she cant talk to me becuase im a mindless robot when im drunk or on drugs (which is majority of the time) and I dont consider her feelings. I broke down becuase she was brutally honest and its hard to relize how many faults you really do have. I begged her to tell me who she fell in love with, why it was she could call me her bestfriend. What was I like becuase I didnt know at all.

She said I dont know what to say. She couldnt even remeber the qualitys and values that made her feel worthy of the title her bestfriend. It takes alot to truly call someone your bestfriend.

I think im one thing and then im proved wrong time after time. Truth is I dont know who I am I dont know how I could explain myself to someone without saying worthless loser.What am i?

thermis thermis
18-21, F
Feb 14, 2009